One of the Great Ones

Posted on June 5, 2026June 5, 2026 by The Retired Alchemist

There is a quiet hole in my world right now. Yet, the sun continues to rise and set every day, as people go about the business of living. But my family is acutely aware of this hole. This loss. My wonderful dad passed quietly last week. He had just celebrated his 99th birthday and was ready both physically and spiritually. We were not. But then… we would never be. Now we must move forward without his positive attitude and warm smile.

Dad sharing a couple precious moments with some of his great grandchildren.

Who helped build you

In my naivety as a kid, I assumed that everyone grew up in a similar home as mine. That everyone had structure, kindness and security wrapped in the walls of parents who loved unconditionally. It wasn’t until I was much older that I realized this was not the norm and that many people have to overcome adversity and very difficult childhoods in order to become great humans. It made me forever grateful for my parents, who remained active parts of our entire lives.

My parents were married for 72 years. A great example of sticking together through the ups and downs of life.

My mom and dad were a couple of the solid ones. The great ones. My mom passed just over four years ago. I wrote the post, A Tribute to My Mom, to honor her. While my dad missed her terribly, he bravely continued on without her. His children gathered around him frequently, visiting, bringing him meals, going out to eat together, going for drives out in the nature that he loved, and sharing family celebrations and holidays. He was a gift to us, and it was a pleasure to spend time with him. He was an integral part of our lives, as I have shared in several previous posts: Tucked Away up North, The Great Columbia River Gorge, Am I Vintage, Roadsidea Gone Wilde, Two Words to Maintain Your Health,

Some of our many adventures with our dad.

Remembering…

As my siblings and I gathered together to share our grief, we also shared our memories growing up. Memories of my dad finding work for us to do in order to learn a solid work ethic. Memories of him enjoying life with his children: swimming with us after work, ice skating on the weekends and then coming inside to a toasty wood fire, backpacking trips with my brothers, riding on his rototiller as he turned the soil for his garden, and the firecrackers that he let off outside our bedroom windows every morning on the 4th of July (way too early). Memories of him attending church. Every. Single. Sunday. He and my mom had a deep faith, and their prayers helped guide and build each one of us.

Dad and I admiring my new little brother.

This is a man who lived his entire life with great integrity, faith, commitment and kindness. He was a successful business owner, who loved his family deeply and always found time for them. His solid foundation was peppered with a sense of humor and fun. We will miss his words of encouragement, guidance and giving heart. All of his six children are grateful to have been able to call him our “dad.”

My dad with all six of his children on Father’s Day last year.

A family gathers together

Our large family came together to honor him. Grandchildren flew in from all across the U.S. to show their respect, love, and appreciation. As we gathered together in our loss, we cried, we laughed and we shared the wonderful stories and fun poems that he created. All of us, even his grandchildren, remember him reciting The Red Balloon poem that he wrote years ago. Red was his favorite color. It seemed fitting to share this poem as his extended family gathered together at the gravesite to release him, and some red balloons – to say goodbye, for now, to one of the greats.

*Photo credit for the feature photo and these two photos goes to my lovely and talented grandniece, Katie.*

A huge hole is left in our family, but his legacy and impact will live on for generations to come. He touched all of our lives in a positive way, and we are all better people because of him.

Moving forward

It has been a difficult three months as my dad’s health deteriorated rapidly. Now I have to figure out how to live with this big empty spot in my heart and life. So, I am taking a pause from this blog. I need some time to process, heal and figure out how to move forward.

This loss hit at a point when I was re-evaluating whether to continue this blog, change directions with it, or go to a different medium. A huge thanks to all of you that have read, reached out and/or commented. I will be offline for a little while as I step back and reassess. However, I will return to keep you posted on the results of this retreat. (If you want to know when that is, you can sign up for the newsletter that sends you an email when a new post comes out. It is ONLY used for this blog and nothing else.)

In the meantime, continue to seek joy and experience awe moments in this beautiful, brief life.

Cheers to the retirement years!

The Sandwich Years

Posted on May 17, 2026May 17, 2026 by The Retired Alchemist

The sandwich years. Most of us experience them at some point in our lives. They are those years when we are pulled between caring for children and caring for aging parents. Or, for those of us that experience the good fortune of having our parents live long enough, the sandwich years may be the push/pull between being involved with our grown children and grandchildren’s lives and caring for our aging parents. Either way, it is a tug of war with our time and energy. Not to mention our heart.

These are people that we care deeply about and want to spend time with. People that we want to give the best of ourselves to. But we run short on hours and energy. We spread ourselves too thin and it leaves precious little time to nurture ourselves. Then, we are no longer giving our best selves to them. We are just giving little fragments of ourselves. Finding the balance is key. It is like finding the balance to the ingredients for a perfect sandwich. Not all of the amounts are equal, but when they come together, they make a fulfilling whole.

Creating a quality sandwich

When we are in the caregiver role, we want to make a difference. We want to do something that matters and makes them feel better, either physically or emotionally. After all, we would not be doing this if we did not have the best of intentions and want to take good care of our loved ones. However, some things are more meaningful and have a greater impact than others. So, I thought I would share a few tips that have worked for me, both as a nurse and as someone who has spent a lot of time caring for children and aging parents.

When you are with them, make it quality. Give them total focus and let it be about them. For elders, it means asking questions and listening to their responses. Encourage them to share their life stories…. again, and again. It gives them the opportunity to review their life and find meaning. It is an important part of the closure process. Let them know how their presence in your life has changed you, or what it has meant to you. Share with them what you are grateful for about them. If it is a child, look them in the eye. Same thing – ask open ended questions and listen. Their responses will be much shorter and be prepared to laugh. Remember Art Linkletter’s show, Children Say the Darndest and Wildest Things?

Being with grandchildren lightens our world.

Sit down. When I was teaching nursing at the college I tried to stress to my students the importance of quality time with their patients. To drive this home, I told them about a research study that was performed with patients that were in the hospital. In the first group, the physicians would come in and spend ten minutes with the patient. They would stand the entire time. In the second group the physicians spent the same 10 minutes with the patient, but they sat down next to them during their visit. Afterwards, both groups of patients were asked how long the physician stayed. As expected, the first group said, about 10 minutes. But, when the second group was asked the same question, they said about 20 minutes. It felt twice as long when the physicians just sat down and looked their patients in the eye. Enough said.

Breaking bread together. Sharing food is connection, no matter what your age. After over 72 years of sharing meals with my mom, it was hard for my dad to eat alone. He always enjoys it when we sit down and eat with him. And what little one doesn’t love a special treat, like going out for ice-cream or spreading a blanket on the grass and having a picnic together? Time shared over food bonds people. Always has.

My sister and I sharing a Mother’s Day tea with my dad last week.

Meaningful touch. People need human touch. Particularly the elderly because they do not experience it as often. A gentle hand on the arm, a warm embrace or holding a fragile hand in your own can calm the nervous system by lowering cortisol (the stress hormone) and releasing oxytocin and dopamine (our feel-good hormones). There have been copious amounts of research on the importance of human touch. A lack of human touch can contribute to anxiety, depression and a lowered immune system. So, reach out, even if it feels awkward or uncomfortable at first.

Care for the caregiver. This is last on the list, but certainly not least. Take time away for yourself. Intentionally choose to do something that refreshes your mind and spirit. As the old sayings goes, you cannot pour from an empty cup. Make sure to take time to process your feelings, because you don’t want to hold them in and get all clogged up inside. With aging parents, we often have feelings of anxiety, guilt or fear. It helps to release them. This can be done through journaling, prayer or just talking to someone you trust. You may have to set boundaries on when you are available. Even if they do not push the boundaries, we often do it ourselves. When you leave, it helps to let them know when you will be back and then stick to it.

Being out on the water and journaling are two ways I care for myself.

The circle of life

Spending time with my one-year-old grandson and then going to see my 99-year-old dad, has given me an abrupt awareness of the circle of life. (They are seen together in the above feature photo.) Both give me so much. I am richer in spirit by being with both my dad and my grands. Spending time with our aging parents teaches us wisdom, patience and an awareness of the fragility of life. Being with our grandchildren balances the equation and teaches us to see the world with awe, laughter, fun and excitement for the future. Both of them teach us the significance of deep love, and the awareness to appreciate every moment… to find wonder in the little things. And as tiring and exhausting as it can be, I always walk away knowing that I received much more than I gave.

For the Moms

Posted on May 10, 2026May 10, 2026 by The Retired Alchemist

If I could give a Mother’s Day gift to all of the mom’s out there, it would be the book, Gift From the Sea by Anne Morrow Lindbergh. This little gem was first published in 1955, but the insights on life as a mother are timeless. Maybe more so in this complex, overdriven, high expectation life that modern day mothers find themselves thrust into.

Anne was a pioneering aviator, writer, mother of five children and wife to the famous Charles Lindbergh. She understood the demands that come from all directions on mothers – the constant pull on their time and the deep desire to nurture everyone else. It leaves little left over for oneself.

“Even those (other mothers) whose lives had appeared to be ticking imperturbably under their smiling clock-faces were often trying, like me, to evolve another rhythm with more creative pauses in it, more adjustment to their individual needs, and new and more alive relationships to themselves as well as others.”

Gift From the Sea by Anne Morrow Lindbergh

This book sits on my office shelf – a gift from my mom, with her handwritten inscription on the inside cover.

Being a mom

Being a mother is one of the greatest privileges of a woman’s life. But, from the very first time you hold that precious child in your arms, you realize the weight of responsibility. You become acutely aware that, as a mother, you hold the key to keeping this little being alive. There is an undeniable compulsion to protect him/her from the harsh world that they were born into, both physically and emotionally.

Our deepest desire, aside from the health and safety of their bodies and souls, is that they are happy. Ask any mom what she wants for her children and she will tell you, “I just want them to be happy.” And not just surface happy, but deep down in their gut happy. In an effort to care for them and secure their happiness, we make mistakes along the way. No perfect moms, despite our best efforts. Our parenting is often a product of our culture at the time too. Remember Dr. Spock?

As mothers, we sacrifice our time, sleep, and very being to care for our children. So much so that we forget the balance… that our children need to see us happy too. They need to see us living our lives with joy. Moms in the throes of raising children need to find the space to refresh their souls too. And not just on Mother’s Day.

That is what Lindbergh’s book gently points out. She takes a vacation alone to the ocean to rediscover herself. Through the analogy of the shells she gathers from the beach, she searches for the delicate balance of raising children but not losing herself in the process. Seeking that balance is timeless.

Being a grandma

Most grandparents do not care for their grands 24/7, so it is easier for us to strike that balance of time for ourselves, and time to give our grandchildren. We can slow down when we are with them to see the world through their eyes. They help us see the color of the caterpillar, the path the ants left marching across the sand, or the ripples spread by tossing a pebble in the water. We enter their world of imagination with them.

In these moments, we have time to gaze into their eyes as they talk and we listen. Really listen, because, as grandparents, we know that we will have time to do the wash, clean the house and pay the bills later after they leave. We are not pulled in ten different directions when we are with them, and that is the blessing that comes back to us in these later years as a grandma.

What a gift to be just a little part of our grandchildren’s lives.

Happy Mother’s Day

Mother’s Day is a celebration of women. Women who have given a part of themselves for other people. We carry that desire to nurture others with us wherever we go in this world. We love deeply. We weep for a world where children are hurting or hungry. We see the homeless person curled up on the sidewalk and think, that person has a mother out there somewhere. We love the world with a mother’s heart, whether we are a mom physically or not.

So, whether you are a mother, or struggling with the desire to be a mother, have tragically lost a child, or have cared for people with a mother heart, you have had the privilege of sharing a woman’s love with the world. The kind of love that soothes the wounds of life. And that, is something worth celebrating, so Happy Mother’s Day to all women!

Day Trippin

Posted on May 2, 2026May 2, 2026 by The Retired Alchemist

Sometimes we just don’t have the luxury of taking a long, exotic vacation. It could be due to time, money or other commitments. However, we can still get that same sense of freedom, creative inspiration and stress release by staying closer to home. We can go day trippin. According to our new trusted friend AI, a day-tripper is “a person who takes a pleasure trip, excursion or recreational visit to a place – such as a beach, city or tourist attraction – and returns home on the same day, without staying overnight.” And you thought it was about hallucinogens.

What are the benefits of day trippin you ask. First, it is much cheaper than driving hundreds of miles or flying across several states. You don’t have to spend hours in an airport, feeling like a cow being herded to the next destination, only to find out your flight has been delayed, and you will likely miss your connecting flight. It is less stress than planning and executing a long trip. You get to explore places in your own back yard that you may never have seen before. Bonus if you are retired and can go on a weekday when it is not so busy. And finally, at the end of the day, you get to sleep in your own bed.

The Pulaski Trail

Spring has sprung and so has the beauty of nature. I feel pulled to get out there and experience it. To let the fresh air fill my lungs and the bright colors stir my creative soul. So, Mr. U and I decided that we would try to go on one day trippin adventure per week through the summer. That means we will be lucky to get in one a month, but aim high, right? Last week we decided to explore the Pulaski Trail, which is less than an hour from our house. How have we never seen this beautiful piece of history before?

We wanted our day trip adventure to include being out in nature and getting some exercise. Just Google hiking trails near me and you may be surprised what shows up. We chose the Pulaski Trail because it was less than an hour away and included a 2-mile hike. Never mind that I should have read the entire description carefully because it was a 4-mile hike round trip… with quite an elevation near the top of it. Oh well, part of the adventure is the element of surprise. It was gorgeous.

The majority of the trail is along the West Fork of Placer Creek.

The Pulaski Tunnel Trail follows the route that Edward Pulaski traversed to escape the Great Fire of 1910. He and his firefighting crew were caught in unexpected high winds that blazed rapidly through the forest. With his quick action and knowledge of the territory he led them through the thick smoke up a creek to an old mine tunnel where they sought shelter from the billowing smoke and flames. He is credited with saving all but six of his 45 men crew.

The Pulaski tool, invented by Edward Pulaski, was designed to create fire lines, clear brush and dig in hard soil to blaze trails. Several of these tools hung on posts along the trail in tribute to him.

We made it to the overlook of the mine tunnel, now almost overgrown with moss and vegetation.

Beauty from ashes

As with much of life, over time, beauty and good will arise from the ashes. The Pulaski Trail is just one example of how time heals. What was once burnt trees and thick gray ash is now a forest full of green moss, ferns, colorful wildflowers and waterfalls splashing over rocks and logs. Like anyone that has been through trauma or a deep loss, you are not the same afterwards. You never will be. However, time molds our lives and beauty, and joy will rise from the ashes.

The winter run off made for beautiful waterfalls along the trail.

So, as you consider travel this summer, don’t forget to look in your own back yard. We often fail to explore the very places that are close by yet rich in beauty and history. Plan a few day trippin adventures in your own neck of the woods and you might be pleasantly surprised what you find. Just don’t forget to read the description thoroughly first.

Cheers to the retirement years!

Curating a Home

Posted on April 23, 2026April 23, 2026 by The Retired Alchemist

Most retirees, at some point, reconsider their living options, because, well… life is different now. Once the kids have left the nest and we are no longer tethered to a job, we start to reevaluate our living space. We don’t need to be within a reasonable commute to work anymore. We don’t need four bedrooms and three bathrooms now that the kids have homes of their own. And do we really want to continue to maintain that large yard? What fit our lives for years, may no longer meet the needs of our retired, empty nest lifestyle. Now what?

The beauty of it is, you are free to move wherever you like. It could be closer to grandkids. It could be seeking warmer weather. Maybe it is finally living where your heart takes you, in the woods or near the ocean. For many retirees, it is downsizing. The key is to evaluate your priorities and determine what would make this phase of your life richer and more meaningful. For us, it was downsizing, moving closer to town and being near a lake. Wherever you move, you have to start again… with four blank walls.

Four blank walls

Four blank walls. They could be anywhere: a doctor’s office, a nursing home, a restaurant… or a brand-new house. They are just walls. What transforms them into a space that welcomes you? A space that makes you want to put your feet up. A feeling of warmth that prompts you to settle in and have one more cup of coffee. Have you ever noticed that when you walk into some houses, they feel comfy/cozy and make you want to sink into a chair for a long chat? Others feel sterile and stiff. How do we transform a house into a home?

If you have lived anywhere long enough, you have lots of experiences and memories created in your home. It holds you like a worn pair of comfy slippers. You know which doors squeak, you smile when you see that the ding in the ceiling from when your husband swung a golf club a little too high in the house, or the pen marks on the door trim marking a child’s growth each year. You remember the family dinners, the holidays celebrated and the games played on the living room floor. The walls resonate with warm memories. It is the life lived within the walls that transforms a house into a home. If you move, that starts over with just four blank walls. Such was the case with us.

I finally got up the nerve to put a nail in this blank wall last week and hung this one sole picture in our guest bathroom.

Transforming those four blank walls

We moved into our new house last fall. We spent hours with the drafter and contractor trying to construct a home that fit our needs as retired empty nesters. We wanted a house that was cozy and easy to maintain, but large enough to host family gatherings comfortably. We had the opportunity to pick out the cupboards, flooring, lighting, fixtures and a million other decisions, as it was being built. A new home is lovely and beautiful but also feels a little sterile.

You would think that we would have felt right at home once we moved the last piece of furniture in. The property felt like home since it was rebuilt on the same land I grew up on, but the house needed time. It needed to be curated. Shortly after we moved in, we took a trip to the ocean, then it was prep for the holidays, family visited from out of town, and then we spent some of the winter in Arizona. On top of this, daily life continues.

And so, we find ourselves in spring and many of our walls are still bare because I hate to put nail holes in the fresh, clear new walls. What if I change my mind, or it isn’t the right height, and I leave an extra hole? Hence, the bare walls, which cause conversations to echo.

Display your story

We bought this cabinet shortly after we got married. It has traveled with us from house to house. I covered it with milk paint and distressed it several years ago. The bird and bee nests are “roasidea” finds. The pitcher was a gift from my mom, and I recently scored this mirror at a vintage shop in town.

I love shopping at Home Goods as much as anyone and nothing can beat the convenience of Amazon and Wayfair for shopping online. But a home is not curated through retail shopping. It is built slowly, over time. I like to put together a blend of less expensive purchased items that make a house look updated, along with a few investment pieces and then the final touches are the very things that give your home personality and make it unique and interesting. And they do not happen overnight.

These final touches come three ways. First are the shared experiences and memories that occur within the walls, which I have written about before in the post The House that Built a Family. A house just feels more like home once you have hosted family and friends there.

The walls of our new home are starting to resonate with laughter and warm memories after hosting a couple brunches this spring.

The second thing that makes a house into a comfortable home is that there are signs of life going on in them. A loaf of bread is cooling on the counter. There are framed photos of family and friends. A fire is dancing in the fireplace. A knitting project sits in a basket, or a book is waiting to be read. Perhaps it is a plant thriving in the window. Life is happening. There is a heartbeat to the home.

The third thing that transforms a house into a home are the unique treasures we decorate with. Items that we love, value and have collected over the years. These are the things that have meaning to us… not just something picked off of a store shelf. We remember the trip we were on when we found the porcelain birds in an antique store on a rainy day at the ocean. It could be the tablescape we put together with Roadsidea we gathered with our sister on an outdoor adventure. It might be the treasured pitcher that your mom gave you years ago that reminds you of her.

When we moved, we had years of Stuff that we had to sift through and decide what would make the move. Years of good memories. I had to be ruthless as I eliminated items that no longer served us. I could not keep all of the glassware my mom gave me, so I had to choose the most significant. The ones that fit my style and evoked warm memories every time I looked at them. The hard part was releasing the rest.

The sewing machine cover my friend made for me set the bright colors for my office. The paper flowers remind me of the class my sister and I took together to learn how to make them (left). The shelf on the right tells part of my story, from gifts special people gave me, like the treasured book from my mom, to the mementos from trips (right).

I found the birds when DIL #2 and I went antiquing on a rainy afternoon at the ocean. I am filled with that wonderful memory each time I look at them (left). The vintage school bell is from Mr. U’s aunt when she taught in a one room schoolhouse (right). We ring it when we want to gather a big crowd together for dinner.

We salvaged the door that my grandpa put in the previous home over 65 years ago (left). We also had an accent wall built from the pine paneling in the previous home that my dad and grandpa milled. The shelf was the former fireplace mantel (right).

Curating a house into a home

Consider what treasured items make you smile and fill you up emotionally when you look at them. The ones that feel like a warm hug. If they are tucked in a cupboard or some place for safe keeping, pull them out because those are the very pieces that transform a house into a home. While they may not be as gorgeous as the stuff off of a Pottery Barn shelf, they are much more unique, chock full of character, and most importantly, they hold our stories.

A house is lived in immediately. A home is curated over time by filling it with meaningful items and happy memories. What are your treasured pieces… the things that make your heart sing every time you look at them? If they are hiding in a closet or basement, bring them out. If they need a fresh coat of paint, slap some on. Maybe it is the photo that you have been meaning to get enlarged and framed (guilty). Or perhaps it is the heirloom dishes that you hesitate to use for fear of breaking them. Pull them out, clean them off, fix them up and enjoy them because these are the very items that transform a house into a home.

Now I am going to go pound another hole in the wall. Happy decorating!

TheRetiredAlchemist