Take the Risk

Over 36 years ago I took a risk that has paid off over and over again through the years.  Over 36 years ago I was pregnant with my first child and working night shift in the ICU at our local hospital.   It just so happens that another nurse was also pregnant with her first child and working night shift in the OB Unit.  It was a small hospital and it is a little hard to hide being seven months pregnant, so during breaks we ended up comparing notes about our pregnancies.  Turns out we were both due on the exact same day.  

Fast forward a couple of months and we were both home on maternity leave.  Being first time mothers we were tired, swollen and insecure about the responsibilities of taking care of these tiny human beings.  Another co-worker just had her first baby several months prior and was a little further down this motherhood journey.   We saw her as an experienced mom and mentor.

Even though I was exhausted I knew I needed some adult interaction, so I took a risk and invited them (and their new babies – duh) over for lunch.  It was no easy task taking care of an infant, getting the house cleaned up, the table set and making a nice hot lunch for people I barely knew.  I am so glad I took that risk.  We became good friends and spent countless hours talking, changing diapers and sharing lunches.

Friendships that developed with our first babies. My long term bestie is far left and moi is second from left.

Fast forward another 36 years and one of these wonderful ladies and I remain the best of friends.   We have shared the ups and downs of parenting,  from sending our children off to kindergarten to graduation from college and the empty nest.  And now we compare notes on our aging bodies instead of pregnancies.  

Bestie and I at Hill’s Resort a couple years ago. Make-up & filter free and totally relaxed.

We meet people all of the time but they do not usually develop into a friendship.  Friendship must start with a willingness to take a risk and reach out to someone: make the invitation for lunch, suggest taking the enrichment class together or meeting up for a walk and coffee afterwards.  Someone has to take the first step and risk.   It doesn’t always work.  I have made several attempts to get together with an acquaintance or coworker, and while we enjoyed the time, it never really took off into a longer term friendship.  But, as the sayings goes, you never know until you try.   

It takes continued time, effort and forgiveness to develop deeper friendships.  When we lived in separate cities, my dear friend and I took the time to meet up for a yearly trip.  While we, thankfully, live in the same area once again, we still take our annual trip.  The last several trips we have gone to Hill’s Resort.   It is a beautiful, rustic, family owned, lakeside resort tucked in the trees of Northern Idaho.  The perfect spot to hunker down, talk, laugh, go on walks, sip wine, eat delicious food, and sew.   Yep, we haul our sewing machines there and set up shop at the dining room table.  We get a few crazy looks, but therapy is worth a few crazy looks.  We just got back from our trip a couple weeks ago and it was as beautiful and therapeutic as always. 

The car all packed with sewing supplies & food.
Sewing central.

Lest you think we just sit around and eat and drink, here are a couple pictures of finished projects:

We also do a little walking.

It can become a bit more challenging to make friends in retirement. We do not have the built in option to meet people through work and our kid’s activities. However, friends become even more important during retirement.  They round out our lives and help us realize that we are not insane (smile).  There is nothing more validating than hearing someone confirm that they are experiencing the same things at this phase of life.   So, I encourage you to take the risk and reach out to someone you would like to get to know better.   You never know which time it will develop into a deeper friendship. 

Fireside chats.

How to Kick Off Retirement

After the parties and celebration dinners, how do you plan to kick off your retirement? Like most baby boomers, travel was a major part of our retirement plans. Both my husband and I worked in public education so taking a trip at the beginning of the school year seemed like a perfect way to kick off our retirement adventure. While our previous colleagues were developing syllabi and preparing lectures, we would be seeing beautiful sites and relishing our new found freedom. It felt like playing hooky, only without the guilt (not that I would know… of course). So, after the celebrations with family and co-workers, we planned a couple big trips to kick start our retirement.

Celebrating retirement with my four wonderful sons.
Fun family retirement party.


One of my bucket list trips was to go leaf peeping back East. Since we live in the Pacific Northwest, we do not get back East very often and neither of us had ever been on the northern end. It was the perfect start to retirement. We flew into Boston and stayed a few days, then rented a car and headed north. We drove up the coast of Maine then over to Vermont, back down to New Hampshire and ended the final two nights in Martha’s Vinyard. The colors and scenery were intoxicating, as were the lobster rolls.

Historic Boston
Acadia National Park

The second trip was a happy accident. The hubs was cruising the internet for travel deals and found a very inexpensive last minute trip to Thailand. My sister and her husband had been there recently and highly recommended it. We had time and so, in retirement fashion, we thought “why not?” We booked it through World Travel, which is a tour group. We had never done a tour group vacation before; we preferred to rent a car, drive on the wrong side of the road and end up lost more than found. But this seemed like a good way to visit a country where we did not speak the language and a common mode of transportation is is a tuk-tuk. There are pros and cons to group travel (perhaps another post someday) but we really enjoyed this one. It removed the majority of the planning and stress of traveling in a foreign county and we were ready for a little less stress and planning after so many years of that with work.

Elephant Sanctuary in Thailand.
Thailand floating market.

I am so glad that we took these two trips at the beginning of our retirement (well, semi-retirement, more on that later) in the fall of 2019, because that winter is when COVID stopped all travel in its tracks. Like the rest of the world, we hunkered down, played a lot of card games, learned Zoom and got creative while we waited COVID out; not knowing we would be waiting it out for over two years. (Probably best we did not know that.) So, take the trips while you can, you never know when illness, a family crisis or a pandemic are going to prevent you from traveling.

It is hard to beat the sense of freedom and adventure that travel provides. While many retirees are just looking forward to relaxing and sleeping in, you can enjoy doing that for the rest of your retirement. I would highly recommend a fun new experience or adventure to put an exclamation mark on the beginning of your retirement. Go for it!

What you need in the wilderness to survive is what you need in retirement to thrive.

I felt like we had prepared thoroughly for retirement. We planned it out years ahead, going over the financials and planning out our health insurance until we reached Medicare. I even felt like I prepared well for the lifestyle change that retirement would present. I read voraciously about it. It is a bit embarrassing to admit that I read over 59 books about retirement (seriously, I counted them in my Kindle library) as well as numerous blogs, in an effort to prepare for this major life transition. (Yes, I have been accused of paralysis by analysis more than once in my life.) However, knowing about something and experiencing it for yourself are two different animals. It is a bit like finding your way in the wilderness.

Just as you need certain tools and skills to survive in the wilderness, you also need certain tools and skills to thrive in retirement. You should have these in your survival kit if you want to thrive in this next phase of your life.

  • A whistle. If you get lost in the wilderness, you need a whistle to get help from others. For a satisfying retirement life, you need to hang with a tribe. If you lose your tribe, you need a whistle to reach them and let them know you are alive and where you are at. As often happens, when you leave work you lose some of your tribe. So you need to replace that built in social network. The good news is, now we get to pick and choose who we spend time with. No more listening to a self absorbed co-worker drone on. Take the initiative to make plans with friends and family or reach out with an invite to someone new you may want to get to know better. Who knows, they may eventually become a member of your tribe.
  • Knife. A knife can be used for multiple purposes out in the wilderness. It can help build a shelter, prepare food and create useful items from wood. One of the fun aspects of retirement is now you have the time to explore your creativity. There is satisfaction and joy in looking at something you created with your own hands. It can be something as simple as decorating a table for the holiday or as grandiose as building a piece of furniture or writing a book. The possibilities are endless. Get the right tools and play as you discover your creative side.
  • Shelter. If you ever watch the TV series “Survivor,” you will notice that one of the first things the “survivors” do when they get to the island is build a shelter. While the intent in building a shelter is protection from the elements, it also provides a sense of purpose and accomplishment. For most of us, paid employment brought a sense of accomplishment and purpose to our days. By the time we retired, many of us moved into supervisory or management positions. While these were stressful, they also fulfilled a basic human need for self-esteem and accomplishment. How are you going to fulfil that now that you are retired? Work on this one ahead of time; it can be a biggie. Many people choose to work part-time, sit on a board, start a business, volunteer or enrich the next generation in order to help fill this basic human need.
  • Food, water and physical strength. To survive in the wilderness you need food, water and strength. Your physical health is a huge factor in being able to enjoy your retirement. Find physical activity that you WILL do several times a week, at a minimum. No more excuses that there is not enough time. Pick something you enjoy in order to increase your chances of follow-through. Drinking more water and eating fresh, healthy, REAL food will give you more energy to survive and thrive. After all, we want to be able to lug those suitcases through the airport and sled with the grandkids. “If you don’t take care of your body, where are you going to live?” (Yobi Yamada)
  • Keep the fire burning. You won’t last long out in the wilderness without building a fire. In retirement you are going to need to spark the fire of curiosity to keep your life interesting and to stay relevent. Don’t become one of those stale retirees who sits in front of the TV and complains about the world “going to hell in a handbasket.” Retirement is a great opportunity to learn more, to travel and explore. Stay abreast of the ever changing technological world. If you stand still too long, the world will pass you by. Read Dr. Zeuss story “The North Going Zax and South Going Zax” to appreciate how this could be a problem. Smile.
  • Compass. It is so easy to lose your sense of direction out in the wilds. It is easy to lose direction and structure to your days in retirement as well. Work provided an automatic structure to our lives. You got up, showered and were out the door without much thought. When you first retire, the lack of structure feels like euphoria. But if you get complacent it can slip into drifting through your days without any meaning or sense of accomplishment. That doesn’t feel good over the long haul. As we get closer to the end of our life here on earth, we start to ask the questions, “what next” and “why am I here”. Getting this settled in your brain will contribute to your satisfaction in retirement. Then structure your days to move you in that direction.

So give some thought ahead of time to determine what you want and need to take with you into retirement. Be sure to:

  1. Take care of your social network
  2. Use your unique creative talents
  3. Incorporate activities that provide purpose and accomplishment
  4. Keep your curiosity burning
  5. Build structure into your retirement routine
  6. And for goodness sake, take care of your health

Using these tools and skills will move your retirement from just surviving to thriving.

This week in retirement…

This week in retirement is a good week to finish the damn Halloween socks… that I started over 2 years ago. And just in time to wear for October. While I have knitted quite a bit in the past, this was my first attempt at knitting socks. They have a “few” mistakes but overall I am satisfied with them. Retirement is a great time to challenge ourselves with some new interests or rekindle some old ones. It gives us a sense of accomplishment and you never know which interest is going to “stick.”