The Mystery of Time

Posted on September 26, 2023September 28, 2023 by The Retired Alchemist

I have been wasting a lot of time lately thinking about the passage of time. I feel like these wonderful retirement years are going by way too fast and I want to slow them down. Put the brakes on. Of course, we all have the same 24 hours in a day, so it is really our perception of time that is the problem.

I doubt there is a person over the age of 60 that hasn’t pondered the fact that we have more years behind us than ahead of us. After a holiday, or if I miss out on something I wanted to do, I wonder how many more opportunities I will have left to experience it. How many more summers do I have, how many more sunrises will I witness, or how many more Christmases will I celebrate with my family?

We recently sealed the family time capsule and I slipped a letter in before I closed it. It was a letter to my family in case I am not alive when they open it in another 17 years, reminding them of how much I love them and how proud I am of each and every one of them. Well, I did have to add a little motherly advice for them too in case I am not here to ~~harp~~ share it with them. It doesn’t help any that, at this point in life, we have all lost friends and acquaintances to an early death. It is a stark reminder that none of us have any guarantees whether we will be here in 17 years, or next year, or even tomorrow.

I try to keep this blog fun and positive, so I don’t want to dwell on this alarming awareness of the passage of time. As I often do when I am struggling with something, I started reading about it. Why does it feel like time goes faster as we age and how do we slow down that perception of time so that we can squeeze out every single juicy minute of this wonderful life?

I am retired so where the hell does the time go?

The literature confirms that most of us feel like time goes faster as we age, what is not clear, is why we feel that way and how to slow down that perception. My grandma was in her 90’s when she would lament how quickly time went by. In my young naive mind, she was very old and just sat around her apartment watching T.V., with the weekly excursion out to breakfast and church. I assumed that time would have weighed heavy on her. As Mr. U’s elderly aunt used to say, “the days drag on but the time flies by.” My 96-year-old dad says he doesn’t understand where the days go when he doesn’t really accomplish much. I get it now. Clock time and our perception of time can be quite different.

Researchers have come up with a few theories on why it feels like time flies by faster as we age. Below are the most common thoughts on it.

Our time perception is in relation to how many years we have to compare it to. For example, when you are five years old, a year is 20% of your life. If you are fifty years old a year is only 2% of your life. It makes sense that 20% of your life feels a lot longer, than just a mere 2%. The 2% is a much smaller portion of our lives, so it feels like it went by quickly.
Some research suggests that, as we age, the rate at which we process the sequence of mental images that make up our day, slows down. More time passes between processing each image so it feels like there is not enough time and it is going too fast. Younger people are able to process many more images per second. It is likened to a slow-motion video that captures thousands of images and all those images have to be processed, so it feels like more time. Whereas processing just one or two images feels quicker.
As we get older, we may not have as many different life events or as much variety in our lives. We get settled into our routines. If we are doing the same thing every day, the days tend to blend together and there isn’t much to set them apart, so it is perceived that time went by quickly. The less rich your days are, the more it seems like they went by quickly.
My theory. I can’t help but wonder that as we age, we have a heightened awareness of our mortality and so we perceive that we are moving too quickly towards that time. Think about when you were younger and looking forward to Christmas. It felt like the days dragged on until that delightful morning when you could tear into those packages that you had been anticipating. However, if it is something that you are not looking forward to, such as having to clean your room, the start of school, or becoming frail, then the time goes by too fast before that dreaded moment. No research study to prove this, just my school of thought.

Putting on the brakes.

When we perceive that time is going too fast, it causes anxiety. Think about a timed test versus one without a time constraint. How about the stress you feel when you need to get something done on a timeline? While some people work well under such pressure, it still creates anxiety. One of the benefits of retirement is that we should be under less stress. I spent enough years under the gun, rushed and trying to make every minute count just to keep my head above water. I don’t want to feel that kind of push/pull and stress in retirement.

So, how do we slow down our perception of time and thus decrease anxiety? Below are some recommendations from the literature:

Make our days richer and more interesting. Adding new experiences to try will make your time feel longer. So, taking a class, trying a new hobby or going on a trip somewhere new will add time expanse to your life.
It seems counter-intuitive that living a routine life makes time go faster, but that is one of the theories. Therefore, if we change up our daily routine frequently, it will help slow down our perception of time. Take a different route to the gym, go to a different coffee shop or try a new recipe for dinner.
One study from Cambridge suggested that being well rested will help slow down our perception of time because we are able to be more active and accomplish more when we are rested. Hence, we have more mental images which will slow down our perception of time.
One of the most common recommendations to help slow down our perception of time is to be more mindful. By the time we retire most of us have learned the fine art of multitasking to get everything done we needed to. But research suggests focusing on one thing at a time. Get fully engaged in something to help slow down our perception of time. This has the added advantage of decreasing anxiety.

And so…

We all have the same 24 hours in a day. We can’t control that. However, to some extent, we can control how we perceive time. My take-away from this is that we need to add variety and texture to our days and weeks. We need to try new things and change up our routines. We need to be more mindful and focus totally on what we are doing. We need to be shaking things up a bit and be fully engaged in life. Doesn’t sound all that hard to me. Matter of fact, that sounds pretty darn fun. And it should have the side benefit of slowing down our perception of time.

On the home front.

There is something mysterious and other worldly about the steam rising off of the water…and the monks.

Mr. U had a birthday last week. We celebrated with family the week prior, so I wanted to surprise him with something on his real birthday. (Maybe doing something unexpected would even slow down our perception of time.) I had been trying to get a reservation at Quinn’s Hot Springs Resort for several months, but they have been booked solid. Desperately looking for a place to stay on his birthday, I took one more look at their reservation website and found they had a cancellation on his exact birthday. I booked the room quickly before it got snatched up and told him to hold the day aside. No explanation.

It is not easy pulling off a surprise for someone when they live with you. I had to be stealth. I packed our bags and loaded the car with presents, birthday candles, matches, and a cooler with beverages, snacks and a small cheesecake (Mr. U is not a fan of regular cake.) I covered it all with a blanket (I am so tricky) and slipped it into the back of the car. He had no clue where we were going, or that it would be overnight, when we set off. He did figure it out when we were about halfway there. Understandably since there is not a lot out that direction. But it was fun keeping him questioning up to that point. Of course, the first thing he asked was whether I brought him some cloths and a swimsuit. Lucky thing I remembered to pack for him too.

Quinn’s is about 2 ½ hours from us, tucked under the vast mountains and open sky of Montana. The cozy wood lodge is alongside the banks of the Clark Fork River. When we checked into our room we were greeted with a complimentary bottle of wine and snacks. They also provide guests with big, fluffy white robes to wear while roaming back and forth to the pools. We donned swimsuits and our robes, poured a couple glasses of wine and sunk into the warm pools as evening descended. The hot springs are tucked into a rocky hillside, and they silently demand a quiet hush as the steam rolls off the water. The smell of sulfur reminds you that these are natural hot springs, which just adds to the magic. Between the hushed voices at the pool and everyone in white robes, we might have looked just a bit like a monk monastery.

The beautiful grounds and buildings at Quinn’s

I got a late reservation for dinner at the Harwood House restaurant which is one of two places to eat at the resort. Other than that, there are not any restaurants close by. The atmosphere continues with the cozy lodge feel and the food was prepared perfectly.

Dinner at the Harwood House. I had the beef tenderloin medallions with shelled red crab,
asparagus, bearnaise and garlic mashed potatoes. Delish!

I am not sure the theories about slowing down our perception of time worked, because our short stay went all too fast. But looking back over the course of the week, it should, theoretically, slow down our perception of time. In the meantime, I hope you do something to shake things up, add some extra images to your week and slow down your perception of time. Speaking of which, I am not good at wasting time in retirement. So, I am taking a couple weeks off from my blog to waste a little time, play, do something new and see if I can’t slow down my awareness of time. See you in a couple of weeks!

Ode to Summer

Posted on September 18, 2023September 18, 2023 by The Retired Alchemist

September 23rd is officially the last day of summer, but the signs of fall have been in the air for the last couple of weeks. Where did summer go? I feel like time goes faster, even though I am less pushed for time now that I am retired. We live where there are four distinct seasons, which I love. And I adore fall, but it is hard to say goodbye to summer because it is so chock full of wonderful things to do. Other than camping, we try not to travel much June through September because summer is so beautiful where we live. Winters are another thing. (Fair warning, prepare for summer photo overload in this post.) Most of my summer delights are simple things like:

A more relaxed casual pace
Gathering friends and family around the pizza oven

The pizza oven area has become a favorite Gathering Place.

Dining al fresco
Sunsets

Tomatoes and basil from the garden make a fresh caprese salad. Mr. U caught the salmon (left).
Can’t you just smell the earthy marsh under the sunset (right)?

Getting loads of vitamin D
Being on/in the water

I will harness anybody I can to go kayaking with me.

BBQing (although we brave doing this even in the cold weather)
Campfires and the obligatory s’mores

Son #2 came up with our new favorite dessert: s’mores pizza.

Camping
Riding my bike in nature’s beauty

Foraging for huckleberries
Garden to table eating

And last but not least… it is easier to drive (no slick, icy roads)

The vast majority of my life has been controlled by the school calendar. First it was grade school, followed by too many years in college. Mr. U’s entire professional career was in secondary education and of course our kids’ lives revolved around their school schedule. Then the last 15 years of my career, I spent in academia. EVERYTHING had to fit around the school schedule. Now it is controlled by the feel of the air as the seasons change. I am making a conscious effort to enjoy each season for what it has to offer. Towards the end of summer, I always reflect on whether there is anything I have not yet done this summer, that I will regret I missed. Then I try to fit that in before the days get colder. I think I will try to be proactive this time and make a list of all the things I love about fall and make sure I take time to do them.

It is the simple things I don’t want to miss this fall. Things like…. kayaking in the early morning before the fog lifts off of the lake, gathering family to go tailgating before the university football game, trying a new soup recipe, harvesting the corn stocks, pumpkins and gourds from the garden to decorate the front porch, breathing in the heady scent of an afternoon slash fire, savoring that first bite of a fresh warm pumpkin doughnut, and going on a walk in the late afternoon shadows to gather acorns and water chestnuts for roadsidea. It is the simple things that make the season tangible and take our breath away. And it is the simple things that can slip by unexperienced or unnoticed because the big stuff pushes them out of the way. Obligations, commitments and the mundane tasks of living are like an aggressive bully, shoving the joy out unnoticed. I have to remind myself that I control my own schedule in retirement. I decide what I am going to prioritize. When life feels like the days go by too quickly, it can cause anxiety. The antidote to that is to intentionally slow down and appreciate the moments. So, this fall I am making a commitment to myself to take time to fully experience the season through my five senses.

Speaking of enjoying life with your five senses – there is a new place in town

The beautiful kitchen is open to the dining area.

Sorella’s has an extensive cocktail menu.

Well technically, it is not in my town, but it is only a quick 45 minutes away. I would love to keep this place to myself, but it is too late. The word is out. Sorella’s, which means sister in Italian, is the perfect blend of upscale, yet relaxed, and old world, yet modern Italian dining. I want a restaurant to have a great atmosphere, as well as great food. I want it to appeal to as many of my five senses as possible. The young woman who started the restaurant a few months ago had a vision that came through in every detail, from the fresh flowers to the classy chandeliers, to the big chunky Italian marble slab for the bar. You are immediately taken into the moody vibe as soon as you enter, with melting candles and a gallery wall that the owner created herself. She collected vintage pictures of classic places in Italy, Italian cookbooks, advertisements and people. These are all in thrifted frames that the owner painted an antique brass. All of the food is served on mismatched china that she collected from thrift stores. Love it! It is the perfect blend of old-world charm and contemporary chick.

Entry table (left) & gallery wall (right)

My niece invited my sister and I to join her at Sorella’s for dinner and the food was sooooo good. My niece, who knows the owner and had been there before, suggested we try several different menu items and share them. For an antipasto we had Dante’s Meatballs. The description of them on the menu says, “that is all you need to know” and they are absolutely right. Order them if you go. We followed that with the Burrata salad, which was sublime. Such a wonderful, unexpected blend of flavors. The Bolognese has house made pappardelle. Honestly, I think I could have just eaten that by itself and been happy, but the sauce adds a delectable rich flavor. I was surprised when my niece suggested we order the carrots. One taste and I knew why. They were roasted with goat cheese, fresh parsley, hazelnuts and hot honey. Heaven help me, I was in gastronomic heaven. I will definitely be going back.

A gastronomic delight. All served on thrifted, mismatched dishes.

I hope you have a great week. Do you have some favorite seasonal activities? Be sure to slow down and use your five senses to revel in them!

What Happened to the Magic?

Posted on September 11, 2023September 11, 2023 by The Retired Alchemist

Somehow, as we get older, we lose the magic. It gets buried under the responsibilities and commitments of life. In other words, it gets buried in “adulting.” We used to be so carefree, running barefoot, turning cartwheels in the grass, riding our bikes (before helmets were required) as the wind swept through our hair, when laughter was at the tip of our tongues just waiting to spill out, and we saw magic everywhere.

“Children see magic because they look for it.”
Christopher Moore

One of the best things about being a grandparent is seeing the world through a child’s eyes again. It causes us to slow down and soak in the beauty and wonder of everyday life. A few years ago, my good friend asked if I had considered making a Fairy House for my then 5 & 7-year-old grandchildren. It never occurred to me, and frankly, I wasn’t even sure what she was talking about. So, she grabbed her phone and started scrolling. Up popped magical pictures of fairy houses that people created. The seed was now planted in my brain. I enlisted the help of Mr. U (he owed me a few) and we found an old tree stump to build the Fairy House. Once the door was built into it and the rock path was finished, I started adding the details that made it look lived in: a string of lights, a chair by the front door, a fire pit and a shovel.

I waited with anticipation to take the grands to see it. I might have been more excited than they were. Yes, I definitely was. On a sunny spring day, we quietly walked down into the woods, so as not to scare them away. When we got there, my then 7-year-old grandson squealed, “a leprechaun house!” That was the magical moment it switched from a fairy house to a leprechaun house. It was pure coincidence that his teacher recently had a leprechaun visit their classroom the night before St. Patrick’s Day and left footprints and gifts for the kids. Maybe serendipity and magic go hand in hand. My then 5-year-old granddaughter just stared at the house in wide eyed wonder. That is when I saw the magic in her eyes.

The kids immediately decided that the leprechaun was probably hungry and they should leave a gift of food for him. However, it was clear to them that our dishes and food were way too big for him. So, they dug out the little glass tea set and loaded it with leprechaun size pancakes and juice. They crept down to the miniature house in the tree stump and left their gift outside his door. The next time they arrived at our house, they raced down to see if the leprechaun ate the food they left. He did indeed, and in turn, he left a small gift of candy to thank them. Behold – the tradition started! Since that time, there have been numerous gifts back and forth. The leprechaun left them notes carved into wood, such as “thanx nise kidz.” (The leprechaun is a terrible speller and is not so good at printing either. Smile.) The kids have left notes for him back. Pure magic.

Making some miniature pancakes for the leprechaun.
Colored French pancakes are an old tradition at our house.

Leaving gifts of food for the leprechaun.

It got me wondering how we can bring the magic back into our lives. What is it about childhood that makes magic so easy to experience?

No schedules. When we were kids, we did not keep calendars or schedules. We were ruled by the cycles of the seasons. School starts in the fall and ends in the spring, and in between there was summer and Christmas break. I remember summer break when I would wake up with sunshine pouring in the window, spreading over my pink and yellow floral quilt. I would lay there for a while, stretch, and think, “hum, what should I do today?” It was a world full of possibilities. On those warm summer days, we were shooshed outside to go play and get some fresh air. And we knew we could not come inside too soon, or we would be shooshed right back outside again. That created lots of “time freedom” to do whatever our imagination led us to. The freedom from schedules gave us the opportunity to create magic.

Creativity. I believe that all humans are naturally creative, we just exercised it more as children. Oftentimes, it takes open time and a carefree feeling to allow our creativity to flourish. As kids, we would create magic out of anything. A dried flower became a doll with flowing petals for hair, a few sticks stacked up turned into a fort, and wet dirt, patted down flat transformed into a delicious looking mud pie. Life was full of magic back when we made castles in the sand and stories out of images in the clouds. We created magic out of the ordinary.

We did not care what others thought. Well, we did have to care what our parents thought, but we were still oblivious to scrutiny from our peers. We had not yet donned the heavy weight that comes with trying to fit in. There is freedom in being silly, without fear of looking foolish or being judged. When we are free of other’s opinions and expectations, we are free to create magic, because the magic is for our souls only to experience.

We felt life with all 5 of our senses. We used our bodies to run, jump, play, taste and feel life. We screamed with joy and shock when we jumped in the lake for the first time in the summer and the cold water took our breath away. When was the last time you did that, and it made your goosebumps smile? And was there anything better than an ice-cold popsicle in the middle of a hot afternoon? We kicked through the leaves and laughed when we carelessly fell into a big pile of them. There is magic in using our five senses to feel alive.

We had not yet become jaded. How does that quote go, “there is nothing new under the sun.” Yet, children see the world through fresh eyes. They see the details in every aspect of life. Ever try doing a quick cardio walk with a child? They need to stop and explore every bug and blade of grass. Maybe we need to see everything with fresh eyes again. Start noticing the intricate details of the moss growing on a tree, the shades of color in a fall leaf, or the smell of the earth right before it rains.

Bringing the magic back

I purpose that being retired is the perfect time to bring the magic back in our lives. You don’t even have to have grandkids to do it (although it is helpful). Once retired, we have loose schedules with open hours to let our creative juices flow. We have time to live in the moment instead of feeling like you have to make every minute count in order to get everything done. (I remember those days well.) By the time we are retired, we are past caring what our peers think of us. We are more emotionally free, and it is time to lift the jaded veil that we view our lives through and become conscious again. Make the effort to notice the details and beauty of everyday life. It is time to be “awed” by life again.

“I have always believed in the magic of childhood and think that if you get your life right that magic should never end.”
Colin Thompson

So, what happened to the magic? It is still there; we just have to unearth it again. And what better time than retirement to do that? If we are fortunate enough to have our health, a few good friends and family, and enough money to keep us out of the food line, then we are poised to bring the magic back. Go ahead and jump in the cold lake and feel the chill take your breath away, ride your bike with no destination in mind, or put a blanket out on the cool grass and watch for shooting stars. Take your shoes off and feel the mud squish up between your toes. Stop and watch the hummingbird eat or melt into the sunset for longer than five minutes. So go ahead… exhale and be prepared to be awed by life again.

How I Know it is the End of Summer

Posted on September 4, 2023September 3, 2023 by The Retired Alchemist

My mom was the initiator of family traditions. It is one of the many gifts she left us. There is nothing that holds a family together more than saying, “we always do…” It creates a bond. It builds shared memories. It gives us our roots. It is a gift we can give that benefits generations to come.

There is one annual tradition that signals the end of summer for me. It is our extended family campout over Labor Day weekend. I come from a large Catholic family of six kids. Five of us siblings, along with many of our own kids, and our kid’s kids, live in the area. This makes for big, fun family gatherings. (Think… My Big Fat Greek Wedding, only not Greek.) We have gotten so big that we hardly fit in anyone’s home anymore. So, the annual family camping trip is a perfect way to get together and still have some breathing room. It originated years ago when my siblings and I were young parents. Then life got in the way. But now our own kids are adults with young children of their own, and a few years ago and my son, niece and nephew decided to resurrect the extended family camping trip. Now they reserve the group campsite and put the word out to the rest of the family. It is so nice to have the next generation taking on this tradition, and… all we have to do is show up! Getting older has its privileges.

The campground is close enough to those that live in the area that some can attend just for the family dinner and cornhole tournament on Saturday. My dad even came for a few hours this year. Those that can, stay for the weekend. We’ve had family come from as far as Wisconsin, Texas, Montana and even Japan to be here for the annual family campout. It helps that it is always over Labor Day Weekend so people can plan to attend, if life permits.

These guys. Son #2, second from left, is our fearless organizer for the event.

A few days ago, my grandson told me how excited he was for the family campout and then school starting. They have a great time roaming with their cousins. It has become a fun tradition for all the kids to come over to our camper in the morning for hot cocoa. (Hum…I wonder if it is just so the parents can get a few more minutes of shut eye?) We love visiting with them (and getting them hyped up with sugar in the morning – “sweet” revenge).

What is a family event without good food? Even the food has some traditions, such as my sister-in-law’s macaroni and shrimp salad and my 7-layer dip. And no campout is complete without the obligatory s’mores.

The event of the weekend, well besides eating, is the Cornhole Tournament. Participants draw names for a partner and game on!

The annual Cornhole Tournament is serious business.

This year’s Cornhole Tournament winners.

One of the great things about the campout is that all the generations can hang out and play games together. Well, except the “boomers” who keep the camp chairs warm. And you can bet we get a lot of ribbing for that. Or maybe it is just for being “boomers.”

The Knothead Award

It started back in 1982, when my parents, siblings and their spouses took a trip over to the Oregon Coast together. I don’t know if you have ever been to the Oregon Coast in the fall, but it can be a little rainy and chilly. You pack, knowing this is a high possibility. The guys chartered a fishing trip out on the ocean while we were there. One of my older brothers, who shall not be named, failed to pack anything warm. He went fishing in the wind-swept rain wearing sandals and no coat. Needless to say, he took a lot of teasing for that. Mr. U and my younger brother decided he needed an “award” for being such a knothead. So, they nailed a few pieces of wood together, one of which had a big ole knot it in it, and my brother became the very first recipient of the un-coveted Knothead Award.

We had so many fun stories and laughs over the Knothead Award that we have carried the tradition on. Every year, at the family campout, we award points throughout the weekend to anyone who does something stupid. We look for any good excuse to award someone points, such as forgetting an important item (like warm clothes, food or camp equipment) getting lost or walking into the wrong tent. The final morning of the campout, we gather at the common area and make nominations for the award. There are tons of stories and laughs as we find out all of the crazy things people did over the weekend. And believe me, with that big of a family, there are quite a few. Then we vote on the recipient for the award. The “lucky” recipient must proudly display the award in their home for the entire year.

Pleading his case on why he should NOT get the Knothead Award (left.)
This year’s winner is awarded (right).

When we return from the camping trip the kids all head back to school. Our busy tourist town will quiet down, and we will be able to get into restaurants without making a reservation two months in advance. The days will grow shorter and cooler. We will fire up the oven again and make soups and homemade rolls. I will read more and turn to indoor hobbies again. We switch from light and carefree to sheltered and cozy. The traditional campout is the perfect way to transition to fall.

Farewell summer and hello fall!

TheRetiredAlchemist

Month: September 2023