Halloween Past and Present

Halloween is typically a quiet holiday for us. We live in the country, so we do not get any trick-or-treaters. And now that the kids are grown, we don’t venture out in the cold and dark (and sometimes snow) to beg for candy anymore. Our celebration is several days before Halloween when we have family over for our annual soup and pumpkin carving night. It was a little quieter than normal this year since some family members were out of town and a couple others were sick and unable to attend. But our small group “carved” on with great concentration. Mr. U was highly criticized when he whipped out his power tools. He pulled the old man card… wimp.

My favorite part is having the grands arrive in their costumes and come to “trick-or-treat” us. We had a pink dinosaur and Frankenstein stop by. Unfortunately, the “bloody nurse” was sick and could not come. Probably caught something from one of her patients.

Our trick-or-treaters arrived.

We started the soup and pumpkin carving night tradition several years ago. I decided on soup, just to make it simpler. Besides, who doesn’t love soup in the fall? But really, let’s face it, holidays are all about the food. So, we have lots of delicious finger foods to go with it. This year, Mr. U got creative with the vegi tray. I always make my pumpkin sugar cookies. I double the batch because they make great little hostess gifts to send home with people too.

The hit of the night is making Witch’s Brew. We got the recipe from a cookbook that a family friend gave us for our wedding. It is really just a recipe for homemade root beer, but the dry ice elevates it to Witch’s Brew and the grands love to make spells over it.

Making witch’s brew.

Halloween past

How Halloween is celebrated has changed from when I was a kid – both for better and worse. The costumes are definitely better. We used to create our own costumes from whatever we had on hand at home. That meant that I was typically a hobo. Just grab an old flannel shirt of my dad’s, roll up one pant leg, put some brown marks on my face and top if off with a well-worn hat. Boom – done! On a morning radio show the other day, they asked what people’s favorite Halloween costumes were from their childhood. Everyone from the baby boom era said they didn’t really remember having a costume. Most recalled being a hobo or a ghost (made from an old discarded white sheet with two holes cut out for the eyes). It was all about putting something together with what you already had on hand or found at a thrift store. Now there are pop up Halloween costume shops everywhere with every type of costume imaginable.

The other thing that is quite different is trick-or-treating. This is defiitely worse than when I was a kid. We used to take an old pillowcase and roam the town like feral children stocking up on candy. Back when a pack of kids could run all over town and our worst fear was that a bully would come by and steal our candy. We did not return home until our pillowcases were so heavy we could hardly carry them anymore. My favorite part was coming home and everyone throwing their loot out on the carpet to see what you got. First though, mom and dad had to check it to make sure we threw out any unwrapped candy or fruit (thanks to some crazy person putting a razor blade in an apple and ruining it for everyone.) I would separate my candy by type, and then… let the trading begin. I will trade my large Tootsie Roll for your Snickers bar and back and forth until you had an almost perfect selection of candy. Ahhh, life was good back then. Now the kids go to Halloween parties, trick-or-treat at the mall or only their neighbors.

Halloween present

Halloween night Mr. U and I will stay home, dim the lights, put a fire in the fireplace and pull out the candy we always buy for the many, many trick-or-treaters…. that we know we will never get. 😊😊😊

Have a fun, safe Halloween.

Walking Through Life

When you have lived long enough to reach retirement age, you have experienced quite a few ups and downs in life. I remind myself to thoroughly enjoy every up. Drink it in and let it fill my cup to carry me through the darker days. Because, if you have been blessed with bonus years in this life, there will be difficult days too. My personal quote for tough times is, “the only way out is through.” You just have to walk through it and do what you need to do. It isn’t fun or easy, but there will be light ahead. The sun always rises again. I hope that your retirement years are full of many more wonderful days than difficult ones. But when the inevitable challenges arise, it is also helpful to remember this famous quote by Mary Stevenson:

One night in a dream, I walked with the Lord on the beach. There were two footprints, mine and the Lord’s. But during tough times, I just saw mine and I wondered why. I asked the Lord, “why leave me alone when I was down?” The Lord said, “my precious child, I never left you during your times of trial and suffering. When you saw only one set of footprints… it was then that I carried you.”

I try to keep this blog positive and fun. There is enough difficulty and sadness in the world. But I don’t want to gloss over the fact that life can be hard too. As we get older, we often experience more losses than gains. My 97-year-old dad is seeing that. But, as I observe him through this, I have learned a few things. I have learned that you have to roll with the punches. I have learned that some days “the only way out is through,” and I have learned to seek out and appreciate the joy and beauty in life. It is often hidden in the little things. Be kind and gentle with one another, even the person that cut you off on the road. We never know what someone is going through. So, this post is to acknowledge the difficulties and losses that we will all face and to remember that there is still wonder in life too. The sun will rise again and there is always light at the end of the tunnel.

My Mother Heart

This post is for all of the mothers out there. Mothers who wear their hearts on their sleeves. Mothers who have spent countless nights on their knees. Mothers whose hearts swell with joy and pride until they feel like they might burst. To be a mother is to experience all of life’s emotions at their deepest level and to come out on the other side completely wrung dry and totally fulfilled. For one is never the same once you have experienced a mother heart.

Mr. U and I dated for five years before we got married. It gave us a lot of time to discuss our goals in life and how we saw our future together. We both agreed that we wanted a big family. Him, because he was an only child and felt like he missed out on a lot of life as a result. Me, because I came from a family of six kids and loved it. That is how we ended up having four sons. Best thing we ever did. But… there were many times we wondered what in the hell we were doing – we had absolutely no business being parents.

The fact is that raising children is not for the faint of heart. When they hurt, you hurt twice as much. When they make poor choices, you question your abilities as a parent. When your kids are faced with the inevitable challenges of life, you want to sweep in and save them from it, even though you know that working it through themselves is part of growing up.

You invest your life blood into raising your family and you worry. And then you worry some more. There were numerous moments when I questioned whether I was made of the right stuff to be an adequate parent. And many, many times when I questioned if I was doing the right thing by them. The opportunities to do it all wrong are endless. You worry that you have ruined their lives because of one thoughtless comment or one error in judgement.

But mothers (and fathers) of young children, and especially teenagers, take heart. The payoff is yet to come. Suddenly they grow up to be these amazing human beings, and you wonder how they ever did that… apparently, despite our numerous failures as parents. But when it does, you will be forever grateful that you lived your life with a mother heart.

When it all comes back to you

A couple of weeks ago, Mr. U and I got to experience life at its very best. A week that will fill our hearts and carry us through the winter months ahead. We were able to gather all four of our boys (yes, they will always be my “boys” even though they are grown men) and their families together for a week at the Oregon coast. It was magical. My mother heart is full.

It is not easy to gather everyone together. They are in the thrust of their careers. A couple of them have started families and they all have their own commitments in life. We are no longer the center that their world gravitates around, which is exactly as it should be. But it does make it challenging to get everyone together for a full week of vacation. Therefore, we settled on dates and booked the VRBO months ahead. It has been a rough summer for us, and we were really looking forward to unstructured time together.

We had all three, and a half, grandchildren on the trip. Yep, on the first night son #3 and his wife announced that they are expecting a new addition to their family. What a fun surprise to start out our week! Being a grandparent is the best. All of the fun without all of the work. It is amazing to see your sons being these awesome fathers. But something I did not expect was how your heart swells when you observe your sons playing and sharing moments with their nieces and nephew. Mother heart be still.

Rockaway, Oregon

Our family has a long history of spending time at the Oregon coast. My parents took us there on the rare vacations we had as a family. Mr. U and I lived in Portland, Oregon for our first four years of married life and it was always a treat to take a weekend over at the coast. And ever since our own children were small, we have made a point of bringing them to the coast to experience the sand squishing up between their toes, the salty spray on their lips and running from the roaring waves with reckless abandon. What a pleasure to experience this with them as adults and with our grandkids.

We spent time playing on the beach, flying kites, making sandcastles, running from waves, walking and reading. The brothers even braved the cold waters to try boogie boarding. Brrr. They made a hasty dash for the hot tub after that. Nothing makes my mother heart stir quite like seeing my four boys, and now grandson, playing football together. It is something they all enjoy and have done for years. I flash back 25 years when they were around my grandson’s age and see them throwing the football in our yard. Mother hearts remember the important stuff.

Mother heart be still.

Getting crabby

One of our favorite things to do when we are at Rockaway is to go crabbing at Garibaldi. Garibaldi marina has been there as long as I can remember and they rent out boats, bait and crab rings. Bait being ugly, slimy dead fish or chicken carcasses. Long before we had kids, we would rent a boat and motor out to the bay to throw in a few crab rings. The very first time we went crabbing we hauled in a net full of crabs and set it in the bottom of the boat. Immediately crabs started walking sideways all over. I jumped up on the seat screaming to get them out, which is a bit of a trick to do without getting pinched. However, by the third ring pull, I was in there grabbing the small or female crabs (you can only keep males that are 5 3/4 inches wide) and throwing them overboard. It was so much fun that we have kept up the tradition since. So of course, we had to try catching a few crabs one day while we were there. If you love fresh crab and have not tried this before, I highly recommend it.

We caught enough crab to fix a seafood cajun boil that night. So good. Just throw seafood, potatoes, corn, brat sausages, lemon and cajun seasoning into a huge pot and let it simmer. Once it is done you drain it and throw it out on the table for everyone to help themselves. Perfect with some hot crispy french bread.

The seafood cajun boil was especially good with fresh crab.

I have written before about the importance of traditions and building memories. They create bonds that last a lifetime. They are the cement that holds a family together. And they are fodder for stories and laughter that fuel a family through the years. One of our greatest hopes in our lives is that our children will remain close. That they will share in each other’s joys and hold each other up through life’s tough times, long after we are no longer walking on this earth. So, make the effort, take the time, spend the money. It is something you will never regret.

The gang holding the cooked crabs. Moi is kneeling, center.

Living with a mother heart

People do not have to be physical mothers to experience a mother heart for the world. Once you experience having a mother heart, you feel life with raw emotions. Your soul weeps when you see children that are hungry, displaced or lonely. Your heart goes out to the people that lost family and homes in the hurricanes on the gulf coast, or the wars and devastation in the middle east. A mother heart is one that cares about the poor, the needy, the brokenhearted and the downtrodden. A mother heart feels the world on a deeper level. But they also feel the joy on a deeper level too because they know, deep down in their souls, what a gift it is to be alive and breathing in this world of ours.

Our granddaughter practicing her gymnastics on the beach as the sun sets for our final night at the ocean.

Happy Fall Y’all

If you have followed my blog for very long, you know that fall, or more delicately called autumn, is my favorite season. I want to indulge my senses with the textures, aromas, foods and colors that feed my soul during this time of year. One of our favorite fall traditions is going to Green Bluff. Green Bluff is a community of farmers that cooperate and share their efforts to promote sustainable farming. There are approximately 30 member farms that are all owned and operated independently. These are their personal homes, but they open their farms to the public for you-picks and festivities throughout the year. Each has a unique offering of produce, food, gifts and things to do. A couple weeks ago, on a perfect sunny fall day, we jumped in the convertible and drove to Green Bluff to spend a leisurely afternoon.

Below is a map of the farms and produce stands at Green Bluff.

There is an abundance of fresh produce, with apples and pumpkins taking center stage.

First on the list was picking a few apples, just for the experience of it. We have access to my dad’s apple tree too, but you simply have to pick a few apples while you are there. Mr. U was happy because the plums were also ripe, so we got a few of those as well. We don’t typically buy any of their pumpkins, gourds or vegetables because Mr. U grows them in his garden, but it is still delightful to look at them. Of course I HAVE to have the fresh pumpkin doughnuts. I look forward to them all year long. Sorry, I did not get a picture of them because, well… you know. They had to be eaten quickly while they were still warm.

Each farm has its own unique flair.

Towards the end of the afternoon, the sun was getting low, and we were parched. Time for our final destination at Green Bluff… the Big Barn Brewery. It is a delightful little brewery with a low-key, relaxed vibe. They have a large yard where you can pull up a chair and listen to music while you sip their beer that is brewed on site.

Thanks for joining me on a beautiful autumn afternoon. Be sure to take the time to indulge in fall y’all! It is coming to an end all too quickly.

Reverse Retirement

By the time most people retire, they are burned out. Tired of the office politics, tired of answering to someone else, and tired of not having enough time to do what they like. Once they have met that golden retirement number, they are more than ready to leave the workforce. Others are forced into an early retirement due to downsizing, or retirement packages that are too tempting to pass up. Either way, they are out the office door and abruptly land in a whole new lifestyle labeled… retirement. Not unlike Alice in Wonderland who found herself in an unfamiliar world, the retirement lifestyle is unfamiliar and requires a huge adjustment, particularly if you enjoyed your work.

Reverse retirement is a new term for people that have retired and then decided to return to work. After the euphoria of retirement freedom wears off, many people wonder, what next? Are they still relevant? They miss the comradery, socialization and gratification that is built into the workday. If there are so many advantages to work, why even retire? Or better yet, why not return to work on your own terms? Why not enjoy the best of both worlds – work & retirement? The two terms do not need to be mutually exclusive. I think it depends on why you work and how much. So maybe we should not throw the baby out with the bathwater. What if we could take the better parts of work and leave the rest? What if it did not even feel like work anymore? What if we could do reverse retirement?

I know several retirees who have found the perfect blend of part-time work in retirement. I have a friend that teaches a couple on-line college courses, another that substitutes teaches and one that was a school bus driver. My good friend’s husband is a chef, and he still fills in one day a week. He also teaches a CPR course once a month. I know several other retirees that sell their artwork. My dad continued to work part-time in the business he founded until he was in his 90’s. The possibilities are endless.

According to a study by the Federal Reserve Board, one-third of retirees return to work, either full or part-time (New Retirement). Interestingly, the highest and lowest income groups are the two that are the most likely to return to work after retiring. Not a surprise for the lower income group that typically find they need more money to live on in retirement, but why the higher income group that do not need more income to enjoy their retirement? Is retirement not all that it is cracked up to be? If it is not the income, what draws people back to work?

Why do retirees leave the freedom of retirement to return to the grind?

  • The most obvious is money. If you want to be able to enjoy your retirement and play a little, it will take some money. Not necessarily a lot, but enough to do the things you dreamed of. Hobbies take money, travel takes money, and the house is still going to need repairs and updating every so often.
  • Some people wilt without the structure of a job. They need a reason to get up in the morning and get in the shower. Retirement does not force structure; you have to create it and then you have to actually do it… over and over again until it becomes a routine. Until it gives your days a common structure.
  • Employment offers a built-in social network. You may not have had good friends at work, but you still had people to talk to and carry on a casual conversation with, even if it was just to complain about the weather. If you do not deliberately build a social network into your retirement, most likely you will get a little lonely. We all need people and social interaction. Some more than others, but the fact is, people need people. That became very evident during the lock-down with the pandemic.
  • Many people miss the feeling of engagement and gratification. They want to use their talents and skills, and work is the ideal way to do that. Whether you like your work or not, it did force you to be engaged with life. It got you moving and part of the world outside your own four walls. Instead of letting your talents get rusty, you are out sharpening them again and that is rewarding.
  • Some people are just plain bored in retirement. They are bored with themselves, they are bored with their spouse, and they are bored with their lackluster lives. Working brings new energy to their lives again.

Mr. U’s reverse retirement

Mr. U starting his workday. Note that smile on his face.

Everyone jokes that Mr. U failed retirement from the beginning. He was a high school principal for over 25 years before retiring. It was a demanding job, but he loved it. However, like all of us, he got tired of the politics, long hours, endless meetings and stress. It really does not benefit you financially to continue to work once you reach the state retirement pension age, so he decided to retire when he reached that golden rule. Within a couple months after he retired, the opportunity arose to be a mentor/administrator at a private school. After doing that for several years, he retired fully. However, he quickly became dissatisfied with full-time retirement. He felt like he had done everything he wanted to in the field of education and did not want to return to it. But he still missed the engagement and satisfaction of working with people.

Step back over 40 years ago when Mr. U drove school bus part-time while going to college. He loved that job and throughout his entire career, he referred to it as the GOAT (greatest of all time) job. He had always envisioned doing something similar to that in retirement. So last winter, after watching one too many crime shows on T.V., he decided to apply for a part-time position driving a commuter van for a high-end resort in our small city. He has been doing it for several months now and loves it! He enjoys the engagement with people, the fun of getting tips and he particularly likes NOT being the boss and decision maker. There are about 15 van drivers, and they laugh because they all look alike: retirees in their 60’s & 70’s with gray hair and goatees.

Mr. U is thoroughly enjoying his reverse retirement job. It utilizes his talent with people, and he only works 2-3 days/week. He still has to plan ahead to request time off, but the drivers are not limited to a certain number of vacation days per year. A couple of the drivers even take the winter months off to fly south. As long as they request the time off at least a week ahead, they always honor the request. This is wise if you are tapping into the retirement workforce pool.

Conclusion

Most people don’t want to step out of life when they retire. We want to stay engaged, active and socially connected. It is human nature. I think a lot more retirees would reverse retirement and work part-time if they could find a job that they enjoyed and that blended well with their life. It is the commitment of a schedule, limited vacation days and having to request time off that causes most of us to choose not to work. It is one reason many retirees volunteer instead of doing paid employment. Perhaps companies would be wise to tap into this underused employee pool and find unique ways to attract retirees. To borrow an old work term, reverse retirement could be a win/win.

The beauty of it is, in retirement, we get to decide if we want to work. That is, assuming you planned your finances well. Would I still work part-time if the right position presented itself? It is unlikely, as I don’t feel like I have enough time as it is, but never say never. Would you?