Like most of you, I wonder where 2025 went. The years seem to slip away quicker as I age. I am trying to savor every single day. Every breath. Every hug. Every smile. May the new year hold health, contentment, lots of laughter, play and fun adventures for you. Happy New Year!
The presents have been bought, wrapped and unfurled. The cookies have been decorated and devoured, and all of the twinkle lights and Christmas decorations stand in salute to the 24 hours of magic. Like most women, “creating” the Christmas experience for those we love is wonderful… and totally exhausting. I am not sure why designing the holiday experience usually falls to women. Mr. U. told me that is because, if it were left up to the men, they would put out some buffalo chicken dip and chips and turn on a football game. Hum.
We hosted the extended family Christmas Eve gathering this year. This party has been a tradition for years. My mom started it when my siblings and I had young families. Now it includes all of our kids and their families (about 35 – 40 people). When my mom was no longer able to host it, my sister took it on. However, my sister recently had some knee surgery, so I hosted this year. Our new home is fairly small but has an open floor plan, so it was tight, but worked. There were only a few bruised toes. 😊
If you have been reading my blog very long, you know that I am a big believer in traditions. They are the cement that holds a family together (Benefits of Holiday Traditions Reach Deep | Seniors Guide). Our big extended family Christmas Eve gathering has a rhythm to it that we have maintained for years, no matter where it is held:
Christmas morning was peacefully quiet for us. Mr. U and I still exchange stockings. Later that afternoon we had a small group of immediate family over for dinner. It is pretty calm and low key. By Christmas evening I was ready to put my feet up and watch a Christmas show, exhausted but with a full heart.
In moments when I am tired from all of the preparations, I wonder why. Why do we go to all of this trouble? Christmas is supposed to be about peace and appreciation. Then Mr. U told me about a co-worker that lives alone and does not have family close by. (We would have invited him to join us for dinner on Christmas day, but another co-worker already did.)
It was that stark reminder of how grateful we need to be if we have people to share the holidays with, especially the littles. THAT is the reason we women shop and bake and wrap and decorate every available surface. Because, as I have told Mr. U many times (after I am done complaining about all of the work for the holidays) if we women did not do all of this, it would just feel like another ordinary day. So, this post goes out to all of the exhausted women out there who made Christmas special. I see you.
I hope that each of you had a wonderful Christmas and now you can sit back, enjoy the memories and get some well deserved rest.
It is that time of year that we all scratch our heads and contemplate what to get that special someone. Christmas is just around the corner, and we need to find that perfect gift… fast. I think that most of us are familiar with that panicked feeling. What do you get somebody that deserves a thoughtful gift but already has everything they need? How about an experience instead of a tangible gift?
DIL #1 manages a jewelry store, and she says that the week before Christmas is their busiest time of the year. That and Valentine’s Day. Mostly men coming in to find a “meaningful” last minute gift. After all, what woman doesn’t love diamonds? However, a quick last-minute purchase dilutes the meaning of an expensive gift.
Personally, we are at a point in life where we do not need more Stuff. We don’t have room for it, and I don’t want to keep feeding the consumerism machine unnecessarily. Not to mention that we just did a major household purge when we downsized.
Both Mr. U and I have been guilty of getting each other gifts that have never been used. It creates a nagging sense of guilt while it takes up precious real estate on the shelf. The matting and framing kit that I got Mr. U comes to mind. Never taken out of the package. (Just for the record, he did say he wanted one.) Neither of us want to continue to buy each other unused gifts. Yet, it feels Grinchy, and a little anticlimactic, not to give a gift at all. The gift conundrum is particularly challenging when birthdays and Christmas roll around in the same month.
I just had a birthday this month. And like most people that have birthdays around the holidays, their family members struggle to come up with both a birthday gift AND a Christmas gift. Poor souls. This struggle caused Mr. U to come up with a great idea for our birthday gifts. There isn’t really anything we need, so why not get each other experiences for our birthdays instead? This year Mr. U got me an overnight stay at a local resort, with dinner in their beautiful dining room. We had a lovely room with a fireplace and view of the lake. The memory of it will last longer than anything he could buy me. Now I am already planning where we will go for his birthday.
One of the very first gift experiences I received was from son #3. Several years ago, he gave me a “paint and sip” evening. The best part was that he got it for him too, so that we could do it together. It was such a wonderful evening as we created, laughed and enjoyed each other’s company. Bonus that we got to take our art home. My painting is mediocre at best, but I put it up every year because it reminds me of that thoughtful evening with my son.
So, as you are desperately trying to figure out last minute gifts, consider giving a Christmas card with an experience tucked into it. Here are a few ideas to get your creative juices flowing:
The ideas are endless, and it can be as elaborate or simple as your budget allows. It just needs to be something you can do together. It would be easy to get busy and forget to follow through, so you may want to include a specific date with the gift.
My sister and I have been getting my dad an experience for his Christmas gift for a few years now. We take him to dinner and a wonderful live Christmas musical. It puts you in the spirit of Christmas and at 98 years old, he appreciates it more than anything we could buy him.
So, forget fighting the crowds at the mall or the endless scrolling to find the obligatory gift that will sit in the closet and eventually end up in a landfill. Instead, try gifting an experience that you can do together. Mr. U and I still get each other a small gift and stocking stuffers, because, well… it is Christmas and it is nice to have something to open in the morning. (And the grands still get gifts, of course.) But birthdays are going to be about experiences together.
Merry Christmas from our house to yours! May you enjoy the season with those you love and hold close to your heart. I will see you after the new year.
In a world full of disagreements, finger pointing, name calling and government shutdowns, it is good to know that there are still people quietly changing lives for the better. There are still people that care about others and are willing to step up and do something about it. People that are making a difference in the world… one person at a time. There is one woman who is doing exactly that with a bowl of kindness. This is a long post, so you may want to settle in with a cup of coffee… or a bowl of soup.
Society is becoming more isolated. Is it because we are just too busy or because social media has become our pseudo friend? Or maybe it is fear. Fear of getting engaged in a conversation we are not interested in or the greater fear of someone that is different than us. Part of it could be because we don’t need to rely on others as much. Instead of borrowing a cup of flour from a neighbor to finish dinner, we call Door Dash.
Whatever the reason, we tend to protect and isolate ourselves from others. Three out of every four people in Britain do not know their neighbors (More than half of Britons describe their neighbours as ‘strangers’ | The Independent | The Independent.) Of course this is not unique to Britain. I am embarrassed to admit how many times I have sat next to a person on a plane (a little too close in coach, but that is beside the point) and never spoke a word to each other, other than a polite “hello.” Does anyone else find it odd that we are physically rubbing shoulders the whole flight, and we don’t even talk to each other?
The reason for this increased isolation is unclear, but the reality is that we tend to keep to ourselves more. And that is causing a lot of damage to people emotionally. Especially people that are already lonely.
Several years ago, my dear friend’s mother Lynda, lost her husband. She was forced into the slow process of moving on with life as a widow. And so, she bravely continued to do what widows do… going through the motions of living. It was during this time that Lynda met Maggie Stuckey at a party Lynda’s son and DIL were hosting at their home. Maggie is the author of several books, including Soup Night.
This tome is part recipe book and part inspiration for gathering neighbors together, bonding over soup. Soup night originated in a neighborhood in Portland, Oregon. Once a month, the neighbors on Stanton Street gather together at one of their homes and share a meal of soup. This is a simple, informal dinner gathering. The magic is in the connection. Neighbors from all walks of life, all ages, races and political beliefs, gathering to talk, laugh and share their lives. This is what is sorely missing in our society.
Lynda visited with Maggie and was fascinated by her story about the connections made through soup night on Stanton Street. Lynda was at a point in life that she wanted to reach out to others and make a difference in her corner of the world. The idea of gathering others over a hot bowl of soup to nourish their bodies and souls sounded like something she would like to do. But who would she invite? The neighborhood in her small town in Washington state, did not seem like a fit. So, the idea sat simmering in the back of her mind for a while. It was at this point that she went to a friend’s 90th birthday party.
After the candles had been blown out, the cake eaten and the wrapping paper unfurled, the guests at the birthday party gathered into smaller groups, as people often do. It was there, that Lynda noticed the widows were off on the sidelines. They were no longer part of the couples that shared in common conversations. They were outsiders looking in on a life they used to be a part of. That was the lightbulb moment for Lynda. She had found her calling. Why not have a soup night for widows?
Lynda went home and began writing down names of widows she knew that she could invite to her first soup night. She came up with a list of 12 names. She sent out the invitations and the women enthusiastically responded with the usual question of “what can I bring.” Lynda told them to bring their own bowl and spoon. That way, they were not coming empty handed and it had the side benefit of less cleanup afterwards. The idea was to keep it simple. That was over 11 years ago, and it is still going strong. It is an evening of camaraderie, laughter and sharing life, that all of them look forward to. Lynda typically has 12-16 widows attend.
Before guests arrive, Lynda extends the tables in her large dining room and puts out the tablecloths and birds (more on the birds below). Her sister and BIL help her get the tables ready, but then they have to leave, because, well… it is widows soup night. Lynda makes two pots of soup: one clear and one creamy. She bakes fresh dinner rolls and opens her door. Others might bring a dessert or make one of the soups.
The intent is to keep it simple and informal. It is not about the food. It started as soup night, but it has evolved into warmth for the soul. It is about the connections and sense of belonging. Lynda said that it has gotten to the point that she could just provide a glass of water, and they would all still come.
Unfortunately, some of the ladies have passed, but new ones are always joining. The one requirement is that you have to be a widow to attend. This is a hard and fast rule. Several of the ladies insist that you cannot even have a boyfriend! It is an exclusive club for women that share a common experience in life. One lady in their small town recently became a widow. Through her tears and grief, she found one positive light, as she claimed, “now, at least I get to go to widows soup night.”
Lynda has a beautiful home that she designed herself. It is decorated with her impeccable taste and includes a few bird figurines scattered throughout. I was fortunate to be a guest at Lynda’s lovely home a few months ago.
The ladies from soup night noticed that Lynda had several bird figurines and so one evening, after the soup pots were empty, the table cleared and the last guest was out the door, Lynda saw a new glass bird figurine tucked into a little corner of her home. When she asked about it at the next soup night, no one fessed up to leaving it. After that, little birds continued to show up periodically after soup night. Now, Lynda has quite a collection that she puts on two trays to decorate the tables on soup night. She said she still doesn’t know who leaves them, but she doesn’t want to know. She just enjoys the little surprises that show up periodically after soup night.
It is one thing to tell a widow how sorry you are for her loss. It is another thing entirely to wrap your arms around her and invite her to soup night. Lynda is still making a difference in other women’s lives and it all started with a bowl of kindness. Over 11 years ago she saw a need and felt pulled to do something about it. One woman moving mountains, one shovel full at a time.
There is nothing quite as powerful as women gathering together with a bond. Women of strength supporting each other, whether it is championing a small business owner, supporting a colleague’s promotion at work, sharing a plant start, or gathering around a hot bowl of soup. Often times it is as simple as being vulnerable and sharing an experience or heartfelt thought that causes another woman to whisper “I thought I was the only one.” There are very few things as powerful as strong women with beautiful souls. It is a gift that, when shared with others, lifts the world to a higher place.
Cheers to the retirement years and making a difference during them!
Photo credits: Several of the photos in this post were taken by Lynda and her daughter.
It is hard to believe that December is already here. It is time to get decorating for Christmas and asking Alexa to play Christmas songs. Or is it? Maybe I am too late. The stores have had their Christmas decorations up and Christmas carols playing for several weeks now. Actually, right after Halloween. I suppose because Halloween and Christmas are the money-making holidays and Thanksgiving is not. The IG content creators tell me that many of the items they were going to share are already sold out. People have sunk into Christmas in October and simply bypassed autumn and Thanksgiving.
We had an interesting conversation at the Thanksgiving table this year. People debated the merits of putting up your tree before or after Thanksgiving. Christmas is probably the biggest, most favored holiday of the year and several people wanted to enjoy the twinkle lights for as long as possible. Others felt like fall and Thanksgiving deserved to be celebrated fully first.
The lovely couple we visited with across the table from us, were on two different sides of the fence. She was ready to put the tree up weeks ago, and he was in the camp that wants to wait until after Thanksgiving. It was a fun conversation, and I am happy to say that no one whipped out their phone to determine the majority of people’s answer to this question.
Personally, I am on the side of the fence that believes in waiting until after Thanksgiving. This started out of necessity many years ago when all of the kids were at home. We usually had the three days after Thanksgiving off from work and school, so it was the perfect time to pull out the Christmas boxes and get started. Besides, I love autumn and Thanksgiving and do not want to rush past them. But there is something special about the generosity and spirit of Christmas that pulls me. So, the day after Thanksgiving, watch out! I will be hauling out boxes, lighting candles and singing “I’m dreaming of a white Christmas…”
Our little city kicks off the Christmas season with an annual parade, fireworks and a tree lighting ceremony. I am glad they wait until the Friday after Thanksgiving to do this. It is a great way to commence the season. We were fortunate to be invited to our DIL’s mother’s condo to have snacks, sip hot cider and observe the festivities from a bird’s eye view.
So, which side of the fence are you on? And since our Canadian neighbors celebrate Thanksgiving in October, how do they decide when to put up their Christmas decorations? It is Monday, December 1st as I write this post and all of my Christmas decorations were put up over the weekend. l am retired now but old habits are hard to break. Besides I like the tradition of putting up the Christmas decorations the weekend after Thanksgiving. We don’t have the Christmas tree up yet though. We still need to decide whether we are going real or fake this year. Of course that is a whole other debate for another day.
I hope you enjoy the festivities of preparing for this season of warmth and goodwill, whichever side of the fence you are on.
Cheers to the retirement years!
