As we prepared to move, I boxed up my 40+ years’ worth of journals. My therapy on paper. I did not read them all… I am saving that for when I am old. 😊 But I did glance through some of them and saw a common theme my entire adult life. It wasn’t the typical goals and self-improvement stuff, although that was consistent too. It was… balance.

As a young adult in her 20’s, I looked at life through rose colored glasses. I wanted it all. And society told us that we could have it all. Any of you boomers remember the commercial with the ditty, “I can bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan…” This Enjoli perfume commercial only talked about the roles of women in relationship to others. There was no mention of time for yourself. This is the era we boomers were raised in.

I am sure that many of you can relate to the crazy busy years of raising a family and working at a career. I loved those years and yet, somewhere under the piles of laundry, meal preparation, housecleaning, carpools, homework supervision, party planning and being the chief organizer of the family, I neglected myself. Is that any wonder? Raising a family and trying to maintain a career is an act of balance just to keep all of the balls in the air. There is precious little time for self-care. But by golly, we can “bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan…”

Finding balance in retirement

I was talking with a friend the other day. We are both in a similar age and stage of life. She is watching her grandchild during the week. Childcare is expensive and she wants to help her own child get ahead in life. Besides, she loves this precious time to create close bonds with her granddaughter. I think there are many of us boomers that are still nurturing others: elderly parents, grandchildren, spouses, etc.

As women, nurturing (and guilt) seems to be in our DNA. These are people we love and would give up our very lives for. But when we spend too many hours nurturing others, we don’t have anything left for ourselves. We are also giving up some of our hard-earned freedom that retirement promised. Even at this stage in life, we have to find a balance between nurturing others and nurturing ourselves and our dreams.

“Women need real moments of solitude and self-reflection to balance how much of ourselves we give away.”

Barbara De Angelis

There are no easy answers on how to achieve the elusive life balance. It is obviously a moving target as life circumstances change. It is certainly easier once you are retired. But if we don’t prioritize time to do what refreshes us, then we lose ourselves, even in retirement. We have less stamina and energy as we get older, so we can’t do it all as easily as when we were younger. Anyone else look back at your younger years and wonder how you did it all?

Tips on achieving the elusive balanced life

I am certainly not an expert on achieving life balance, but I have learned a few things along the way that have helped.

• Take time to get to know yourself. Not who you think you are, or who others want you to be, but who you are at your core. What makes you feel alive? Then, make sure you carve out time for that.
• Talk. Talk. Talk. Talk to your spouse. Talk to friends that are in a similar life phase. There is companionship, comfort and wisdom waiting to be unpacked with someone who “gets it.”
• Write down your life goals and dreams. Yes, even if you are retired. What are the non-negotiables that you are not willing to let go of? What are the very things that, when you get to the end of your life, you will regret that you did not do? If travel is important to you, plan your next trip now.
• Don’t neglect yourself in the process. In whatever phase of life you are in, take time to refresh your mind and soul, however that looks to you. Yes, you will feel guilt. Do it anyway.

Being “busy” is a badge of honor in our society. It says we are valued and important. I think retirees particularly feel pressure to stay busy. Not, heaven forbid, boring. So, we engage in activities and caregiving and any other thing to fill the void of work. We often think of life balance as a challenge only during our career years. However, it is a common thread that I am hearing among retirees as well. Particularly women, who typically take on the bulk of managing the home and nurturing others. Often to the point that we neglect ourselves. As we get to the later third of our lives, we realize that we have less years ahead and we need to shape them intentionally. Otherwise, they slip away, and we have not lived our lives. Our lives have lived us.

“Almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes, including you.”

Anne Lamott

Cheers to the retirement years!