I was at a community picnic a few weeks ago and was chatting with an acquaintance. She has been retired for several years while her husband, a physician, still works a couple days a week. Initially, her retirement was full of travel and involvement in politics. She was still relatively healthy, so I asked her what she was up to now. She paused, and sadly responded, “well… I watch a lot of T.V. ” My heart dropped. This is a person who has clearly fallen into retirement drift.
What is retirement drift?
We spent years saving and planning for retirement. It is thrilling to walk out the door that last day of work with total freedom and rest waiting for you. After all, we worked our whole lives and deserve some time to relax during business hours, right? Absolutely. However, too many weeks, months and then years, of unstructured, unchallenged days that lack direction can lead to lethargy, a lack of purpose and depression. Like any bad habit, retirement drift happens insidiously… one too many T.V. shows at a time.
When you are in retirement drift, your days blur into each other. Your life loses purpose and meaning. You lack motivation and energy. And you start to think, retirement is not what I expected.
Retirement drift is not a failure; it is a signal. It is the siren that warns you that you are entering a danger zone and you need to recalibrate. You need to change your direction. Too much freedom without some structure and intention can easily fall into retirement drift. It is said that you don’t want to retire away from something, but rather, you want to retire to something. Most of us our a little burned out when we finally decide to retire, but you still need to have some active hobbies and interests that draw you towards retirement. Things you have been looking forward to spending more time doing.
Here is the problem with retirement drift. It happens very slowly. Kind of like the story of the frog that sits in the pot of warm water that is slowly turned up to a boil, and he never jumps out because it occurs so gradually. I don’t think most people plan to fall into retirement drift, it just happens over time if you are not on your guard and take action to prevent it.
How to avoid retirement drift.
I don’t think anyone wants to fall into retirement drift. My acquaintance was clearly not happy with her life. So how do we avoid it? The best way to prevent retirement drift is to be an active participant in your own life. Don’t get too comfortable sitting on the bleachers watching everyone else playing the game. Yes, it takes effort to jump in, but the fun and joy outweigh the effort every time. Here a few ways to avoid sliding into retirement drift.
- Commit to a loose schedule. Commit to a few things that get you out of the house and engaging with other people every week. I typically meet up with my sister once a week, a friend on Fridays and watch my grandson on Mondays. I know retirees that volunteer, play Mahjong, or pickleball every week. It doesn’t matter what it is, it just matters that you do it. It adds structure and purpose to your retirement and helps prevent retirement drift.
- Be engaged and engaging. My acquaintance’s comment about watching T.V. all the time, was a real conversation stopper. How do you respond to that? And quite honestly, I thought… this is not someone I want to be or become good friends with. If you want to have an engaged retirement, you have to start by being engaging.
- Commit to one activity that gives you energy. Start with just one. Maybe it is dusting off an old hobby that got left on a shelf during the busy years. Or maybe it is something you have always been curious about. Read up on it. Buy the supplies. Take a class and ask questions of others that are already doing it. Many retirees are joining Meetup groups of people that have similar interests.
- Stay active. Move your body. Get out and walk, ride bike, kayak, garden, swim, or whatever moves you… literally. Aside from all of the health benefits of physical activity, it boosts our confidence and morale. We are literally taking action, not just drifting along. Bonus that it gives you something interesting to talk about.
- Be interested and interesting. I am going to share a little pet peeve of mine. I enjoy meeting new retirees and learning how they are managing this new phase in life. But, more often than not, instead of a two-way conversation, it becomes a complete history of their lives and all I have contributed are a few questions and several “uh hum’s.” While I enjoy hearing about their lives, I would like it to be more than a one-sided conversation. If you want to have an interesting retirement, you have to be interested and interesting.
Quit drifting and make a few waves
We are in the process of planning a trip to Europe. Due to family commitments, we have not traveled overseas for several years. We seem to have lost a little bit of confidence and energy in that gap. We find that we have less of a carefree attitude when trying to figure out the logistics. Planning and decision-making feel more stressful. We are jumping in anyway. If we don’t push past our comfort zones, we can easily become stagnant and start to drift.
Retirement drift happens by slowly disengaging with life, people and interests. Usually, it is the path of least resistance. But if you have your health, retirement should not be a slow decline of life. It is not an ending. It is a new phase, and it should be some of our most interesting and engaging years. Never before have we had the time, money and freedom to explore what we are curious about. Just because we don’t have a job to go to, doesn’t mean we quit living. Quite the opposite. It is the perfect time to become more ourselves than ever before.
Cheers to the retirement years!
Marian,
I loved your thoughts on “drift”! I haven’t hit that point yet, although there are days I wish I had a little drifting to do…How true your comment about your pet peeve.
Sometimes we need something big to inject enthusiasm into our lives.
As a single traveler, I have taken a few guided trips, the majority of them I liked although there was one lemon. When I first thought about doing it I couldn’t imagine someone planning my trip but after threee REI trips, I loved it! Someone else worried about the logistics, the meals and the lodging and all I had to do was show up. I have taken many trips on my own, but guided, planned trips are a wonderful option for places that sound daunting to plan for yourself or you are a solo traveler who wants to see places with companions.
Thanks for your writing!
Hi Claire!
REI sounds like a great option. A guided tour is a great way to keep your travel legs moving without the stress. I can totally relate to your comment about needing a little more drifting time. I could use a few more of those days as well. It is all about that elusive balance… something big to look forward to and some slower, relaxing days to let our soul catch up with our body.
Steve and I are traveling in Europe right now. We are here for a month. We planned part of the trip and are guided for part. It was a lot of work planning the unguided portion, but like you, I felt the need to have structure. It has worked out well! Also, like you, we had lost a little of our travel “mojo,” but once on the road found it again! Have a great trip! ♥️ Karen
Hi Karen!
A full month in Europe sounds amazing. It is good to hear that it gets easier and your “mojo” returns after you get started (true of most things I suppose). I think of you and Steve and how brave you were to do the backpacking trip to Europe when you retired. We did a guided tour right after I retired and were surprised how much easier and less stress it was. We would definitely do that again if the right one presented itself. Enjoy the rest of your trip!
Ok, We’ll be in Europe in 2 weeks! We planned the trip together, where to stay and when to rent a car. It will be a time to “drift” in a different country, a new culture and oh, the food too. We planned our stay as 4 days each in 2 towns and a week in another. We’ve just signed up for a cooking class and a day of wine tasting among the vineyards. There will be a lot of gap time, not running from sight to sight, but just taking it in and being present. Everyone’s retirement is unique. You have many choices to do or not and as a friend reminded me, we all have so much runway.
Ciao! Russ
Hi Jan!
That sounds like an ideal trip to me. Love the idea of drifting a few days while traveling. We usually end up trying to see too much in too short of time. A cooking class in another country is on my travel bucket list. And yes please to the food. Enjoy!
Marian, you’re spot on! My two favorite “retirement words” are Curiosity and Experimentation. Put them together, and you’ll soon be making waves!
Hi Fritz!
Curiosity and experimentation are words we usually associated with youth. Love the idea of making them action words for retirement. Indeed – those will cause a few waves!
Hey Marian. Great topic!
Somewhere in the ten or so years before I retired from NIC, I stumbled across LLI’s (Lifelong Learning Institutes). I’ve been teaching in one in Salem, MA after I moved here in 2022. Current course: Podversations—a podcast discussion group. I happen to be passionate about the culling of topics discussed and the facilitation of a group discussion.
Retirement can be a really rich process of exploration and gathering your life story together.
Hi Sue!
I have not heard of “Podversations” before. Leading them sounds like a great way to stay engaged and do something that gives you energy . If I remember correctly, you previously taught some adult classes for retirees on writing their life stories down. I appreciate the significance of that much more now.
If the grand essentials of happiness are “something to do, something to love and something to hope for,” (a. k. chalmers) it’s doubtful that I will fall victim to retirement drift. A neighbor spotted the daytimer on the table & wondered why I needed one; I was retired. Come on! Even in retirement there’s much to do & keep track of between the seasonal demands of a rural property, friends & family, personal care & pursuits. Prior to retirement 13 yrs ago, someone asked what I would do, to which I responded – those things I did before 8 & after 5, I’ll do between 8 & 5! I’m still not over the uninterrupted time with no need to rush for the most part. Blogs like yours, lifestyle programs & young people keep me current. I always say, if I think I have nothing to do, I can always go for a walk or read a book.
Hi Mona!
It does all boil down to the “grand essentials” doesn’t it? It is nice to have the time between 9 and 5 to get the things done that you had to fit in around work. I just wish that 9 to 5 time (I keep hearing Dolly Parton’s song in my head as I write that😊) did not fill up quite so quickly. I still find myself rushing and am trying to train myself not to do that anymore.
Although I feel like I’m always busy I still need to be careful of “retirement drift”. Being busy doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re not drifting. Like you said, it can slowly sneak up on you. Thank you for the great reminder!
Hi Janie!
I really like that thought… “being busy doesn’t mean you aren’t necessarily drifting.” That is so true. Perhaps we even use it to mask drifting. Good one to watch out for.