There is a quiet hole in my world right now. Yet, the sun continues to rise and set every day, as people go about the business of living. But my family is acutely aware of this hole. This loss. My wonderful dad passed quietly last week. He had just celebrated his 99th birthday and was ready both physically and spiritually. We were not. But then… we would never be. Now we must move forward without his positive attitude and warm smile.

Who helped build you

In my naivety as a kid, I assumed that everyone grew up in a similar home as mine. That everyone had structure, kindness and security wrapped in the walls of parents who loved unconditionally. It wasn’t until I was much older that I realized this was not the norm and that many people have to overcome adversity and very difficult childhoods in order to become great humans. It made me forever grateful for my parents, who remained active parts of our entire lives.

My mom and dad were a couple of the solid ones. The great ones. My mom passed just over four years ago. I wrote the post, A Tribute to My Mom, to honor her. While my dad missed her terribly, he bravely continued on without her. His children gathered around him frequently, visiting, bringing him meals, going out to eat together, going for drives out in the nature that he loved, and sharing family celebrations and holidays. He was a gift to us, and it was a pleasure to spend time with him. He was an integral part of our lives, as I have shared in several previous posts: Tucked Away up North, The Great Columbia River Gorge, Am I Vintage, Roadsidea Gone Wilde, Two Words to Maintain Your Health,

Remembering…

As my siblings and I gathered together to share our grief, we also shared our memories growing up. Memories of my dad finding work for us to do in order to learn a solid work ethic. Memories of him enjoying life with his children: swimming with us after work, ice skating on the weekends and then coming inside to a toasty wood fire, backpacking trips with my brothers, riding on his rototiller as he turned the soil for his garden, and the firecrackers that he let off outside our bedroom windows every morning on the 4th of July (way too early). Memories of him attending church. Every. Single. Sunday. He and my mom had a deep faith, and their prayers helped guide and build each one of us.

This is a man who lived his entire life with great integrity, faith, commitment and kindness. He was a successful business owner, who loved his family deeply and always found time for them. His solid foundation was peppered with a sense of humor and fun. We will miss his words of encouragement, guidance and giving heart. All of his six children are grateful to have been able to call him our “dad.”

A family gathers together

Our large family came together to honor him. Grandchildren flew in from all across the U.S. to show their respect, love, and appreciation. As we gathered together in our loss, we cried, we laughed and we shared the wonderful stories and fun poems that he created. All of us, even his grandchildren, remember him reciting The Red Balloon poem that he wrote years ago. Red was his favorite color. It seemed fitting to share this poem as his extended family gathered together at the gravesite to release him, and some red balloons – to say goodbye, for now, to one of the greats.

A huge hole is left in our family, but his legacy and impact will live on for generations to come. He touched all of our lives in a positive way, and we are all better people because of him.

Moving forward

It has been a difficult three months as my dad’s health deteriorated rapidly. Now I have to figure out how to live with this big empty spot in my heart and life. So, I am taking a pause from this blog. I need some time to process, heal and figure out how to move forward.

This loss hit at a point when I was re-evaluating whether to continue this blog, change directions with it, or go to a different medium. A huge thanks to all of you that have read, reached out and/or commented. I will be offline for a little while as I step back and reassess. However, I will return to keep you posted on the results of this retreat. (If you want to know when that is, you can sign up for the newsletter that sends you an email when a new post comes out. It is ONLY used for this blog and nothing else.)

In the meantime, continue to seek joy and experience awe moments in this beautiful, brief life.

Cheers to the retirement years!