When you have lived long enough to reach retirement age, you have experienced quite a few ups and downs in life. I remind myself to thoroughly enjoy every up. Drink it in and let it fill my cup to carry me through the darker days. Because, if you have been blessed with bonus years in this life, there will be difficult days too. My personal quote for tough times is, “the only way out is through.” You just have to walk through it and do what you need to do. It isn’t fun or easy, but there will be light ahead. The sun always rises again. I hope that your retirement years are full of many more wonderful days than difficult ones. But when the inevitable challenges arise, it is also helpful to remember this famous quote by Mary Stevenson:
One night in a dream, I walked with the Lord on the beach. There were two footprints, mine and the Lord’s. But during tough times, I just saw mine and I wondered why. I asked the Lord, “why leave me alone when I was down?” The Lord said, “my precious child, I never left you during your times of trial and suffering. When you saw only one set of footprints… it was then that I carried you.”
I try to keep this blog positive and fun. There is enough difficulty and sadness in the world. But I don’t want to gloss over the fact that life can be hard too. As we get older, we often experience more losses than gains. My 97-year-old dad is seeing that. But, as I observe him through this, I have learned a few things. I have learned that you have to roll with the punches. I have learned that some days “the only way out is through,” and I have learned to seek out and appreciate the joy and beauty in life. It is often hidden in the little things. Be kind and gentle with one another, even the person that cut you off on the road. We never know what someone is going through. So, this post is to acknowledge the difficulties and losses that we will all face and to remember that there is still wonder in life too. The sun will rise again and there is always light at the end of the tunnel.
This post is for all of the mothers out there. Mothers who wear their hearts on their sleeves. Mothers who have spent countless nights on their knees. Mothers whose hearts swell with joy and pride until they feel like they might burst. To be a mother is to experience all of life’s emotions at their deepest level and to come out on the other side completely wrung dry and totally fulfilled. For one is never the same once you have experienced a mother heart.
Mr. U and I dated for five years before we got married. It gave us a lot of time to discuss our goals in life and how we saw our future together. We both agreed that we wanted a big family. Him, because he was an only child and felt like he missed out on a lot of life as a result. Me, because I came from a family of six kids and loved it. That is how we ended up having four sons. Best thing we ever did. But… there were many times we wondered what in the hell we were doing – we had absolutely no business being parents.
The fact is that raising children is not for the faint of heart. When they hurt, you hurt twice as much. When they make poor choices, you question your abilities as a parent. When your kids are faced with the inevitable challenges of life, you want to sweep in and save them from it, even though you know that working it through themselves is part of growing up.
You invest your life blood into raising your family and you worry. And then you worry some more. There were numerous moments when I questioned whether I was made of the right stuff to be an adequate parent. And many, many times when I questioned if I was doing the right thing by them. The opportunities to do it all wrong are endless. You worry that you have ruined their lives because of one thoughtless comment or one error in judgement.
But mothers (and fathers) of young children, and especially teenagers, take heart. The payoff is yet to come. Suddenly they grow up to be these amazing human beings, and you wonder how they ever did that… apparently, despite our numerous failures as parents. But when it does, you will be forever grateful that you lived your life with a mother heart.
Then…and now.
When it all comes back to you
A couple of weeks ago, Mr. U and I got to experience life at its very best. A week that will fill our hearts and carry us through the winter months ahead. We were able to gather all four of our boys (yes, they will always be my “boys” even though they are grown men) and their families together for a week at the Oregon coast. It was magical. My mother heart is full.
It is not easy to gather everyone together. They are in the thrust of their careers. A couple of them have started families and they all have their own commitments in life. We are no longer the center that their world gravitates around, which is exactly as it should be. But it does make it challenging to get everyone together for a full week of vacation. Therefore, we settled on dates and booked the VRBO months ahead. It has been a rough summer for us, and we were really looking forward to unstructured time together.
We had all three, and a half, grandchildren on the trip. Yep, on the first night son #3 and his wife announced that they are expecting a new addition to their family. What a fun surprise to start out our week! Being a grandparent is the best. All of the fun without all of the work. It is amazing to see your sons being these awesome fathers. But something I did not expect was how your heart swells when you observe your sons playing and sharing moments with their nieces and nephew. Mother heart be still.
The grands playing in the sand.
Rockaway, Oregon
Our family has a long history of spending time at the Oregon coast. My parents took us there on the rare vacations we had as a family. Mr. U and I lived in Portland, Oregon for our first four years of married life and it was always a treat to take a weekend over at the coast. And ever since our own children were small, we have made a point of bringing them to the coast to experience the sand squishing up between their toes, the salty spray on their lips and running from the roaring waves with reckless abandon. What a pleasure to experience this with them as adults and with our grandkids.
We spent time playing on the beach, flying kites, making sandcastles, running from waves, walking and reading. The brothers even braved the cold waters to try boogie boarding. Brrr. They made a hasty dash for the hot tub after that. Nothing makes my mother heart stir quite like seeing my four boys, and now grandson, playing football together. It is something they all enjoy and have done for years. I flash back 25 years when they were around my grandson’s age and see them throwing the football in our yard. Mother hearts remember the important stuff.
Mother heart be still.
Getting crabby
One of our favorite things to do when we are at Rockaway is to go crabbing at Garibaldi. Garibaldi marina has been there as long as I can remember and they rent out boats, bait and crab rings. Bait being ugly, slimy dead fish or chicken carcasses. Long before we had kids, we would rent a boat and motor out to the bay to throw in a few crab rings. The very first time we went crabbing we hauled in a net full of crabs and set it in the bottom of the boat. Immediately crabs started walking sideways all over. I jumped up on the seat screaming to get them out, which is a bit of a trick to do without getting pinched. However, by the third ring pull, I was in there grabbing the small or female crabs (you can only keep males that are 5 3/4 inches wide) and throwing them overboard. It was so much fun that we have kept up the tradition since. So of course, we had to try catching a few crabs one day while we were there. If you love fresh crab and have not tried this before, I highly recommend it.
We caught enough crab to fix a seafood cajun boil that night. So good. Just throw seafood, potatoes, corn, brat sausages, lemon and cajun seasoning into a huge pot and let it simmer. Once it is done you drain it and throw it out on the table for everyone to help themselves. Perfect with some hot crispy french bread.
The seafood cajun boil was especially good with fresh crab.
I have written before about the importance of traditions and building memories. They create bonds that last a lifetime. They are the cement that holds a family together. And they are fodder for stories and laughter that fuel a family through the years. One of our greatest hopes in our lives is that our children will remain close. That they will share in each other’s joys and hold each other up through life’s tough times, long after we are no longer walking on this earth. So, make the effort, take the time, spend the money. It is something you will never regret.
The gang holding the cooked crabs. Moi is kneeling, center.
Living with a mother heart
People do not have to be physical mothers to experience a mother heart for the world. Once you experience having a mother heart, you feel life with raw emotions. Your soul weeps when you see children that are hungry, displaced or lonely. Your heart goes out to the people that lost family and homes in the hurricanes on the gulf coast, or the wars and devastation in the middle east. A mother heart is one that cares about the poor, the needy, the brokenhearted and the downtrodden. A mother heart feels the world on a deeper level. But they also feel the joy on a deeper level too because they know, deep down in their souls, what a gift it is to be alive and breathing in this world of ours.
Our granddaughter practicing her gymnastics on the beach as the sun sets for our final night at the ocean.
If you have followed my blog for very long, you know that fall, or more delicately called autumn, is my favorite season. I want to indulge my senses with the textures, aromas, foods and colors that feed my soul during this time of year. One of our favorite fall traditions is going to Green Bluff. Green Bluff is a community of farmers that cooperate and share their efforts to promote sustainable farming. There are approximately 30 member farms that are all owned and operated independently. These are their personal homes, but they open their farms to the public for you-picks and festivities throughout the year. Each has a unique offering of produce, food, gifts and things to do. A couple weeks ago, on a perfect sunny fall day, we jumped in the convertible and drove to Green Bluff to spend a leisurely afternoon.
Below is a map of the farms and produce stands at Green Bluff.
There is an abundance of fresh produce, with apples and pumpkins taking center stage.
First on the list was picking a few apples, just for the experience of it. We have access to my dad’s apple tree too, but you simply have to pick a few apples while you are there. Mr. U was happy because the plums were also ripe, so we got a few of those as well. We don’t typically buy any of their pumpkins, gourds or vegetables because Mr. U grows them in his garden, but it is still delightful to look at them. Of course I HAVE to have the fresh pumpkin doughnuts. I look forward to them all year long. Sorry, I did not get a picture of them because, well… you know. They had to be eaten quickly while they were still warm.
Each farm has its own unique flair.
Towards the end of the afternoon, the sun was getting low, and we were parched. Time for our final destination at Green Bluff… the Big Barn Brewery. It is a delightful little brewery with a low-key, relaxed vibe. They have a large yard where you can pull up a chair and listen to music while you sip their beer that is brewed on site.
Thanks for joining me on a beautiful autumn afternoon. Be sure to take the time to indulge in fall y’all! It is coming to an end all too quickly.
By the time most people retire, they are burned out. Tired of the office politics, tired of answering to someone else, and tired of not having enough time to do what they like. Once they have met that golden retirement number, they are more than ready to leave the workforce. Others are forced into an early retirement due to downsizing, or retirement packages that are too tempting to pass up. Either way, they are out the office door and abruptly land in a whole new lifestyle labeled… retirement. Not unlike Alice in Wonderland who found herself in an unfamiliar world, the retirement lifestyle is unfamiliar and requires a huge adjustment, particularly if you enjoyed your work.
Reverse retirement is a new term for people that have retired and then decided to return to work. After the euphoria of retirement freedom wears off, many people wonder, what next? Are they still relevant? They miss the comradery, socialization and gratification that is built into the workday. If there are so many advantages to work, why even retire? Or better yet, why not return to work on your own terms? Why not enjoy the best of both worlds – work & retirement? The two terms do not need to be mutually exclusive. I think it depends on why you work and how much. So maybe we should not throw the baby out with the bathwater. What if we could take the better parts of work and leave the rest? What if it did not even feel like work anymore? What if we could do reverse retirement?
I know several retirees who have found the perfect blend of part-time work in retirement. I have a friend that teaches a couple on-line college courses, another that substitutes teaches and one that was a school bus driver. My good friend’s husband is a chef, and he still fills in one day a week. He also teaches a CPR course once a month. I know several other retirees that sell their artwork. My dad continued to work part-time in the business he founded until he was in his 90’s. The possibilities are endless.
According to a study by the Federal Reserve Board, one-third of retirees return to work, either full or part-time (New Retirement). Interestingly, the highest and lowest income groups are the two that are the most likely to return to work after retiring. Not a surprise for the lower income group that typically find they need more money to live on in retirement, but why the higher income group that do not need more income to enjoy their retirement? Is retirement not all that it is cracked up to be? If it is not the income, what draws people back to work?
Why do retirees leave the freedom of retirement to return to the grind?
The most obvious is money. If you want to be able to enjoy your retirement and play a little, it will take some money. Not necessarily a lot, but enough to do the things you dreamed of. Hobbies take money, travel takes money, and the house is still going to need repairs and updating every so often.
Some people wilt without the structure of a job. They need a reason to get up in the morning and get in the shower. Retirement does not force structure; you have to create it and then you have to actually do it… over and over again until it becomes a routine. Until it gives your days a common structure.
Employment offers a built-in social network. You may not have had good friends at work, but you still had people to talk to and carry on a casual conversation with, even if it was just to complain about the weather. If you do not deliberately build a social network into your retirement, most likely you will get a little lonely. We all need people and social interaction. Some more than others, but the fact is, people need people. That became very evident during the lock-down with the pandemic.
Many people miss the feeling of engagement and gratification. They want to use their talents and skills, and work is the ideal way to do that. Whether you like your work or not, it did force you to be engaged with life. It got you moving and part of the world outside your own four walls. Instead of letting your talents get rusty, you are out sharpening them again and that is rewarding.
Some people are just plain bored in retirement. They are bored with themselves, they are bored with their spouse, and they are bored with their lackluster lives. Working brings new energy to their lives again.
Mr. U’s reverse retirement
Mr. U starting his workday. Note that smile on his face.
Everyone jokes that Mr. U failed retirement from the beginning. He was a high school principal for over 25 years before retiring. It was a demanding job, but he loved it. However, like all of us, he got tired of the politics, long hours, endless meetings and stress. It really does not benefit you financially to continue to work once you reach the state retirement pension age, so he decided to retire when he reached that golden rule. Within a couple months after he retired, the opportunity arose to be a mentor/administrator at a private school. After doing that for several years, he retired fully. However, he quickly became dissatisfied with full-time retirement. He felt like he had done everything he wanted to in the field of education and did not want to return to it. But he still missed the engagement and satisfaction of working with people.
Step back over 40 years ago when Mr. U drove school bus part-time while going to college. He loved that job and throughout his entire career, he referred to it as the GOAT (greatest of all time) job. He had always envisioned doing something similar to that in retirement. So last winter, after watching one too many crime shows on T.V., he decided to apply for a part-time position driving a commuter van for a high-end resort in our small city. He has been doing it for several months now and loves it! He enjoys the engagement with people, the fun of getting tips and he particularly likes NOT being the boss and decision maker. There are about 15 van drivers, and they laugh because they all look alike: retirees in their 60’s & 70’s with gray hair and goatees.
Mr. U is thoroughly enjoying his reverse retirement job. It utilizes his talent with people, and he only works 2-3 days/week. He still has to plan ahead to request time off, but the drivers are not limited to a certain number of vacation days per year. A couple of the drivers even take the winter months off to fly south. As long as they request the time off at least a week ahead, they always honor the request. This is wise if you are tapping into the retirement workforce pool.
Conclusion
Most people don’t want to step out of life when they retire. We want to stay engaged, active and socially connected. It is human nature. I think a lot more retirees would reverse retirement and work part-time if they could find a job that they enjoyed and that blended well with their life. It is the commitment of a schedule, limited vacation days and having to request time off that causes most of us to choose not to work. It is one reason many retirees volunteer instead of doing paid employment. Perhaps companies would be wise to tap into this underused employee pool and find unique ways to attract retirees. To borrow an old work term, reverse retirement could be a win/win.
The beauty of it is, in retirement, we get to decide if we want to work. That is, assuming you planned your finances well. Would I still work part-time if the right position presented itself? It is unlikely, as I don’t feel like I have enough time as it is, but never say never. Would you?
Happy first day of fall! Every season has its wonders. The first soft snowfall of winter, the emerging colors and flowers of spring, lazy summer afternoons by the lake as the sun sets, and then… there is fall. Or, as I prefer to call it, Autumn. Autumn casts a quiet magic that tells us to stop and take a break. Breathe in the crisp air. Let the foggy mornings wrap around you. The deep golds, faded reds and muted shades of brown calm your soul. While spring is expectant, autumn is contemplative. I like contemplative. Autumn has a touch of magic to it.
Top 10 things I love about autumn:
Making soup again. Sure, you can make it in the summer, but that is just wrong. Soup is a fall/winter comfort food. The best thing about soup is that it can simmer for hours, releasing aromas that make your house feel warm and cozy. Bonus if you have warm homemade bread to go with it.
Fall festivals and markets. Celebrate the change of season with others by attending a fall market or Oktoberfest. Think pumpkins, hay bales, corn stalks, fresh squeezed apple juice, and festive music to go with it. Just last night we attended a fall party at a favorite local brewery. Great music, beer and company.
Fall music party at a favorite brewery last night (left). Mr. U in Gatlinburg last fall (right).
Pumpkin everything (to borrow an overused cliche). I know that you can buy canned pumpkin any time of the year, but there is just something about warm pumpkin bread in the fall. Every autumn we try to make a trip to a group of family-owned farms and get pumpkin doughnuts hot off the press. Sooo good! I am anxious to try a new recipe for pumpkin snickerdoodles. Pumpkins and snickerdoodles sound like a pretty decadent combo to me.
Football. I did not grow up loving football, but I learned to enjoy it through osmosis. With a spouse that loves sports and four sons that all played football, I had no choice but to join in or be left behind. Now I have a decent understanding of the game and can appreciate what it contributes to the feeling of fall. It is especially fun when your grandson is playing, and his sister is one of the cheerleaders.
Being outdoors in the crisp sunshine collecting autumnRoadsidea. Take a walk and kick up some leaves. Breathe in the scents of autumn. Bring the vibrant colors and textures inside by gathering acorns, chestnuts, pinecones and colorful leaves to create a fall tablescape. One of my favorite rituals for fall is to gather these items to decorate for autumn inside and out.
A few items harvested from the garden and acorns gathered as “roadsidea” to decorate the entry table. I made “Simon #1” years ago.
Fall decorating. I made the upcycled pumpkins from old sweaters. Post here.
The autumn garden. Gardens are fabulous most of the year, but there is nothing better than the garden in the fall. The colors are vibrant and there is a quiet, calm in the shadows that tells you the work of watering and weeding is over. It is time to reap the last of the harvest. Pumpkins, gourds, sunflowers and corn stalks waiting to be gathered for the porch.
Pictures compliments of Mr. U’s garden.
Fires and candlelight. Who doesn’t love pulling up to a cozy warm fire on a chilly day. We have a wood burning fireplace in our living room, which is one of the delights of winter. (Fortunately, we have an easy source for wood because son #2 co-owns a business that has wood trim ends as a by-product.) And then there are the fall slash fires outside. Nothing beats the sound of a crackling fire, but when we don’t have several hours to enjoy a real fire, we will light our gas fire pit outside. It begs you to sit and enjoy the last dregs of summer. It whispers of quiet fall evenings before the snow starts to fly. It is literally, the calm before the storm of winter sets in. September also commences the “bring on the candles” months.
A gas fire is a great way to spend a few autumn hours when it is still too dry for an outdoor fire.
Sweata Weatha. Personally, I could stay in shorts, t-shirts and flip flops all year long. It feels suffocating when I put on that first pair of long pants. But once I succumb, it is fun to bring out all of the comfy fall clothes. It is like meeting up with old friends again. One of my favorite clothing items are my beautiful, comfy wool socks that my dear friend makes for me. They are like wrapping your feet in a warm blanket of love.
Autumn travel. As much as I love being home to experience autumn, traveling this time of year feels mystical. It is also much less crowded after Labor Day and prices are more reasonable. When we travel in the fall, we try to choose places that are an autumn experience. Our top favorites have been leaf peeping in Vermont, the Great Smokey Mountains in Tennessee, and most recently, the Rocky Mountains in Colorado. All three of these lovely places were named in Country Living as the Best Fall Towns in the US for Foliage — Fall Foliage in the US (countryliving.com)
One of the many covered bridges we got to see on our trip to Vermont several years ago.
Apple harvest. It is so disappointing to bite into a soft apple. They need to be crisp, fresh and flavorful. Sure, you can get waxy apples all year long, but they are the absolute best in the fall picked right off of the tree. It is part of living by the seasons. Apples grow abundantly in our neck of the woods. My dad has a couple of apple trees on his property, so it is always an event to gather together to pick apples.
Mr. U with a robust apple harvest (left). The picture on the right is from DIL #2 and their beautiful apple harvest this year.
Happy fall y’all
The full on colorful, lovely crisp autumn days do not last long. In a blink of an eye, the frost settles over the garden and the weatherman forecasts snow. So, take time to revel in the beauty and wonders of this season made for the senses. Indulge yourself fully in the magic of autumn.
Lover of flip flops, waking up without an alarm, fireside chats, street tacos, waves lapping up on shore, creativity, family, the cork and all things garlic.
