Aging Archives - The Retired Alchemist

Years ago, most of us thought through our careers, whether we wanted to raise family, and what we wanted to do in our spare time. However, we gave little thought to our lives after we were old enough to retire. We have all seen the advertisements of gorgeous gray-haired couples smiling at each other and we just assumed that would be us “someday.” Well, someday is here and that advertisement forgot to tell you about the changes you did not expect.

Things I did not expect about an aging body

When we are young, we feel immortal. We never really think about the fact that someday we will get ~~wrinkles~~ laugh lines around our eyes, that our underarms will wiggle like a scoop of grape jelly, or that our fat cells will migrate overnight causing our waistline to vanish. We would roll our eyes as we waited for older people to try and remember the name of the restaurant they ate at last night. Now… we are them.

Aging happens to everyone that is fortunate enough to live that long. It is a natural process. I knew it. I anticipated it. I just didn’t fully expect it to happen to me. I mean I knew I would look older, but in a firm, youthful way. 😊 The media tells you that if you use their “anti-aging” cream, eat a plant-based diet, get the tuck, lift weights and exercise for five hours every day, that you don’t have to look older. Hogwash. It may help, but gravity happens.

The good news is that it matters less. I am not saying we “let ourselves go” and don’t care. If you are still upright, you usually care about your health and how you present yourself to the world. I remember my mom at 85, fussing about her hairstyle. What I am saying is that we care less about the parts of our aging bodies that we can’t control. Instead, we appreciate and care more about how our body functions and carries us through life. I did not expect this.

Things I did not expect about health

We worry about our health more. You take your health for granted when you are young. But as we get older, we recognize that our body is fragile and no one is immune to health issues. We have seen it in friends, family and celebrities. Every new age spot becomes a concern for skin cancer. Every bout of diarrhea causes us to worry about colon cancer. Every sniffle could be pneumonia. Every aching joint, arthritis. Good grief. We could become obsessed with it. And we do.

Have you ever noticed that when a group of older adults get together, every conversation eventually turns to health issues? We share war stories and scars, compare symptoms and debate the best surgeons in the area. There are complaints about the rising cost of supplemental insurances and whether you should include eye and dental. One of the advantages of spending time with our peers is that we can compare notes and learn from each other regarding common health issues. There is comfort in knowing others are experiencing similar things. The problem is when you discuss it… ad nauseum.

The good news is that you appreciate your health more as you age. You recognize that every day is a gift to be lived with joy. There is a deeper awareness of our mortality, which moves us toward a deeper awareness of the beauty of life. I did not expect this.

Things I did not expect about moving at this age

Like most people my age, I have moved several times over my life. Therefore, I expected the physical challenges of packing, hauling boxes and unpacking. I even expected some of the emotional challenge of leaving a place that had so many good memories.

What I did not expect was the confusion of living in a new environment. I can’t decide if this is due to living in one place for so long or because we are much older doing this move. It doesn’t help that we moved into two new homes over the past year. But now it takes me twice as long to do anything because I have to stop and think about where I put it.

I made zucchini bread the other day and I had to open three cupboard doors before I found the grater. I can’t remember which light switch goes to which light. Do they really need to make this many light switches? (But come to think of it, I never really figured that out the light switches in our previous home either.)

But the biggest surprise was that we have to develop new routines. Things that were automatic take thought and a small decision now. Where are we going to sit when we have our morning coffee? Are we going to eat dinner at the table, the kitchen island or in the living room chairs? Where do I set my purse when I walk in the door? These things were automatic in our old home of 24 years, but now they take thinking. I did not expect this.

Things I did not expect about my emotions

No one warned me that I would feel more deeply as I got older. I am a nurse, I raised four kids, and I have experienced enough emotions to last me a lifetime. But maybe those years just left me more raw… more aware of the beautiful, scary, fragile world we live in.

Tears of joy and appreciation can spill out unexpectedly when I look at a beautiful sunset. Tears of sadness surface when I see a complete stranger struggling to walk down the street. I hurt more for the world that our grandkids will one day inherit. I feel this amazing life we lead on a deeper level. I did not expect this.

Things I did not expect about my soul

It takes years of living and soul searching to find your center. If you put in the work of introspection, you will find your soul more at peace. We realize that we can’t control other people, we can’t control the weather, we can’t control most outcomes, so we learn to accept. And with acceptance, comes freedom.

I am still learning to lower my expectations so that I am wonderfully surprised by life. I am trying to open my schedule to allow more precious hours for the things that make my heart sing. Of course I am still a work in progress, but my soul is more centered. I did not expect this.

Aging is the gift I did not expect

Growing older is a privilege that not everyone gets to experience. It is a challenge, but it is also a beautiful ride that I would not want to miss. Aging brings you full circle. Children look at the world with wonder and awe and now, after years of pushing and pulling through life, I do too again. I did not expect this.

“The ride was worth the fall. The fall was worth the smiles. The smiles were worth the tears. Tears were worth the miles. Miles were worth the pain. Pain was worth it all. It’s all worth this life. Life is worth the ride. The ride is worth the fall.”

Lyrics to the song The Fall by Cody Johnson.

I confess. I went to the “Barbie” movie. Don’t judge me. Fortunately, I have a seven-year-old granddaughter, so I had a legitimate excuse. The movie was not what I expected. To borrow an old term, it was pretty dorky and I am glad I had lots of popcorn to get me through it. But it was one of those movies that had me thinking about it a lot after I watched it. I know a movie made an impact on me when it does that. I appreciated the obvious message of patriarchy, but it was more than that. I also enjoyed the bits of humor sprinkled in it. Such as, when Barbie enters the real world, and her feet go flat and she sees cellulite for the first time. Welcome to the real-world Barbie! More importantly, I think the movie brought to the surface all of my years of playing with Barbie dolls. It caused me to reflect on what impact those play experiences had on me. Did playing with Barbie dolls have the adverse effects on me that society claims?

I feel like Barbie dolls have gotten a bad rap in the last couple decades. I fully understand the concern of this perfect doll giving girls an unrealistic body image and that it encourages sexism. I get it. Yet, that was not my experience. As a child, I never really enjoyed playing with baby dolls but I loooooved playing with Barbie dolls, and I don’t feel like it damaged my self-esteem. Matter of fact, I learned quite a bit from my years playing with Barbie dolls.

5 Things I Learned From Playing With Barbies

I learned about the life I wanted to live.

My Barbies had a world of their own and it could change at my very whim. They would have friends, families and boyfriends (thank you Ken). I would make up stories about the different lives they would lead. Perhaps one time they would be part of a big family. Another time it would be a group of friends without kids around (sorry Skipper). They were doctors, teachers, businesswomen, and/or mothers and they played out these roles. My Barbies loved being outdoors and would often go on little camping trips next to a creek. (I can’t help but wonder if that wasn’t foretelling of my current desire to be out in nature.) When I was going through my horse phase, I saved up and got a play horse for them to ride. I tried out different lives through the safety of play.

I learned financial & negotiation skills.

My parents were building their own business when I was growing up. They provided a wonderful, loving, secure home life but there was not a lot of discretionary income during my grade school years. I had to make the most of what I had, so I would save up to buy a new doll. I distinctly remember one time when I saved several weeks allowance and money from returning pop bottles to buy a new Barbie. Once I thought I had enough money, I coaxed my mom into taking me shopping.

I skipped into the store, excited to see all of the wonderful options. However, my heart dropped when we reached the toy aisle and realized that I did not have enough money for any of the Barbie dolls. Then I discovered a Barbie doll with dirt smudges and messed up hair that had been ripped from her box and was laying on the shelf. I gingerly asked my mom if she thought they would take less for this doll since she was out of her box and a little soiled. My wise mom, said, “well why don’t you ask?” I was a shy child so this was way outside my comfort zone. But I really wanted that doll so I gathered up my courage and asked the clerk if they would take the exact amount of money I had for the doll. Of course, she had to bring the manager over to decide. He was a big, burly, intimidating man that saw a fearful little girl who was willing to take a risk. He graciously accepted my offer, and I went home with a lovely new doll that just needed her hair combed and a little cleaning. Thank you kind sir, wherever you are, for negotiating with this shy little girl. You made my day and taught me a lesson about saving money, taking a risk and negotiating for something that you really want.

I learned socialization and collaboration skills.

Playing with Barbies was all about relationships and socialization. They would have conversations and sometimes they would have disagreements. When I would have a friend over to play Barbies, we would have to figure out how we were going to play that day, without really planning it ahead of time. Often it would evolve, much as real life does. Our dolls would have to socialize with each other. Sometimes my friend’s dolls would do something I did not like, and I imagine mine made her mad too. We had to work it out and move towards a common ground in how we would play. We were practicing the adult art of socialization and compromise through our dolls.

I learned forgiveness and sharing.

Over the years I developed a nice collection of Barbie dolls. I had a very good friend who loved to play with Barbies as much as I did. We would haul our dolls and their cloths closets back and forth to each other’s houses. She grew up in a single parent household and I imagine money was pretty tight. One day, she was over to my house to play. A few days after she went home, I noticed that a couple of my dolls were missing. I looked everywhere but could not find them. The next time I was at her house, the dolls were there. She thought they must have got mixed in with hers and she accidentally took them home. I was hurt that she did not tell me. It took a little time for me to realize that she did not have as many dolls as I did and just wanted some different ones to play with for a little while. It taught me about forgiveness and the importance of sharing with others.

I learned the joy of creating something yourself.

Most girls remember the Barbie suitcase that was also a closet. A delightful place to store the doll and her wardrobe. Well, those closets had to be filled. I did not buy the expensive Barbies that came with the beautiful, glittery evening gowns, so I had to get creative and make some of my own doll cloths. My mom gave me an old white slip that she did not use anymore. I happily cut it up, making one arm hole while drawing the fabric under the other arm and then tying the waist with a colorful ribbon to create a beautiful, at least in my childlike imagination, evening gown. I was content.

There were big, lovely pre-made Barbie houses. I even got a small one for Christmas one year. It was in a case that opened up to reveal a pink (of course) bedroom and living room. I loved it, but not as much as the houses I made myself. I would use cardboard boxes to create rooms. Windows were drawn on the walls with crayons and discarded pieces of fabric became curtains and blankets. I filled it with wood and cardboard furniture that I made. Outdoors, we had a corner of the yard, under a small pine tree. It was the perfect spot to build a log cabin for Barbie from broken tree branches. I learned the satisfaction of making something yourself.

Conclusion

Critics feel like the movie was an attempt by Matell to make Barbie popular again and thus increase their profits. So what if they did? They would not be the first company to do that. I tend to be a Polly Anna, but I took the best from the film and left the rest for the critics to battle out. I felt like the moral of the movie was that men and women can collaborate and work together to create a better society. I think that is a much better moral than most movies have. But the best part of watching the movie was that it brought back fond memories of being young and dreaming up my own world that my dolls played out. A world where I could practice being an adult and try out different lives, without the severe consequences of making mistakes as an adult.

On the Home Front

I am so blessed to be able to call this amazing lady my sister.

Sunday was National Sisters Day. I am so thankful to have a wonderful sister. She is kind, generous, creative, talented and fun. She is my bestie, my confidante and my partner in crime. She overlooks my faults and sees my heart. She shares my childhood memories. My sister is a few years older than I am, so she was well past playing with dolls while I was still in my prime. I would constantly beg her to play Barbies with me and was thrilled when she gave in. We still laugh about that.

Kayaking the channel between lower and upper Priest Lake with Mr. U, my sister & brother-in-law.

Last week Mr. U and I celebrated our 43rd wedding anniversary. Yikes! How does 43 years go so fast? Forever grateful to have lived it with this wonderful man. We spent the day kayaking and then went to dinner at Elkins Resort on Priest Lake. Life has turned out better than I ever imagined. And maybe, just maybe, in some small part, it was because I had lots of practice with my dolls first.