Tag: retirement

Things I Did Not Expect About Aging

Posted on by The Retired Alchemist

Years ago, most of us thought through our careers, whether we wanted to raise family, and what we wanted to do in our spare time. However, we gave little thought to our lives after we were old enough to retire. We have all seen the advertisements of gorgeous gray-haired couples smiling at each other and we just assumed that would be us “someday.” Well, someday is here and that advertisement forgot to tell you about the changes you did not expect.

Things I did not expect about an aging body

When we are young, we feel immortal. We never really think about the fact that someday we will get wrinkles laugh lines around our eyes, that our underarms will wiggle like a scoop of grape jelly, or that our fat cells will migrate overnight causing our waistline to vanish. We would roll our eyes as we waited for older people to try and remember the name of the restaurant they ate at last night. Now… we are them.

Aging happens to everyone that is fortunate enough to live that long. It is a natural process. I knew it. I anticipated it. I just didn’t fully expect it to happen to me. I mean I knew I would look older, but in a firm, youthful way. 😊 The media tells you that if you use their “anti-aging” cream, eat a plant-based diet, get the tuck, lift weights and exercise for five hours every day, that you don’t have to look older. Hogwash. It may help, but gravity happens.

The good news is that it matters less. I am not saying we “let ourselves go” and don’t care. If you are still upright, you usually care about your health and how you present yourself to the world. I remember my mom at 85, fussing about her hairstyle. What I am saying is that we care less about the parts of our aging bodies that we can’t control. Instead, we appreciate and care more about how our body functions and carries us through life. I did not expect this.

Things I did not expect about health

We worry about our health more. You take your health for granted when you are young. But as we get older, we recognize that our body is fragile and no one is immune to health issues. We have seen it in friends, family and celebrities. Every new age spot becomes a concern for skin cancer. Every bout of diarrhea causes us to worry about colon cancer. Every sniffle could be pneumonia. Every aching joint, arthritis. Good grief. We could become obsessed with it. And we do.

Have you ever noticed that when a group of older adults get together, every conversation eventually turns to health issues? We share war stories and scars, compare symptoms and debate the best surgeons in the area. There are complaints about the rising cost of supplemental insurances and whether you should include eye and dental. One of the advantages of spending time with our peers is that we can compare notes and learn from each other regarding common health issues. There is comfort in knowing others are experiencing similar things. The problem is when you discuss it… ad nauseum.

The good news is that you appreciate your health more as you age. You recognize that every day is a gift to be lived with joy. There is a deeper awareness of our mortality, which moves us toward a deeper awareness of the beauty of life. I did not expect this.

Things I did not expect about moving at this age

Like most people my age, I have moved several times over my life. Therefore, I expected the physical challenges of packing, hauling boxes and unpacking. I even expected some of the emotional challenge of leaving a place that had so many good memories.

What I did not expect was the confusion of living in a new environment. I can’t decide if this is due to living in one place for so long or because we are much older doing this move. It doesn’t help that we moved into two new homes over the past year. But now it takes me twice as long to do anything because I have to stop and think about where I put it.

I made zucchini bread the other day and I had to open three cupboard doors before I found the grater. I can’t remember which light switch goes to which light. Do they really need to make this many light switches? (But come to think of it, I never really figured that out the light switches in our previous home either.)

But the biggest surprise was that we have to develop new routines. Things that were automatic take thought and a small decision now. Where are we going to sit when we have our morning coffee? Are we going to eat dinner at the table, the kitchen island or in the living room chairs? Where do I set my purse when I walk in the door? These things were automatic in our old home of 24 years, but now they take thinking. I did not expect this.

Things I did not expect about my emotions

No one warned me that I would feel more deeply as I got older. I am a nurse, I raised four kids, and I have experienced enough emotions to last me a lifetime. But maybe those years just left me more raw… more aware of the beautiful, scary, fragile world we live in.

Tears of joy and appreciation can spill out unexpectedly when I look at a beautiful sunset. Tears of sadness surface when I see a complete stranger struggling to walk down the street. I hurt more for the world that our grandkids will one day inherit. I feel this amazing life we lead on a deeper level. I did not expect this.

Things I did not expect about my soul

It takes years of living and soul searching to find your center. If you put in the work of introspection, you will find your soul more at peace. We realize that we can’t control other people, we can’t control the weather, we can’t control most outcomes, so we learn to accept. And with acceptance, comes freedom.

I am still learning to lower my expectations so that I am wonderfully surprised by life. I am trying to open my schedule to allow more precious hours for the things that make my heart sing. Of course I am still a work in progress, but my soul is more centered. I did not expect this.

Aging is the gift I did not expect

Growing older is a privilege that not everyone gets to experience. It is a challenge, but it is also a beautiful ride that I would not want to miss. Aging brings you full circle. Children look at the world with wonder and awe and now, after years of pushing and pulling through life, I do too again. I did not expect this.

“The ride was worth the fall. The fall was worth the smiles. The smiles were worth the tears. Tears were worth the miles. Miles were worth the pain. Pain was worth it all. It’s all worth this life. Life is worth the ride. The ride is worth the fall.”

Lyrics to the song The Fall by Cody Johnson.

My Stints in Part-time Retirement Work

Posted on by The Retired Alchemist

The plain and simple definition of retirement is leaving one’s job and ceasing to work. Of course, we all know it is so much more than that, which is why many people retire and then realize they really are not ready to manage their life without work. At a loss of what to do, they turn to what they know… going back to work.

According to a T. Row Price study, title “Unretiring”: Why recent retirees want to go back to work, 57% of retirees express an interest in working in retirement. While some want to work in order to pad their retirement nest egg, many are choosing to work because of the social engagement, structure and purpose that it brings to their lives. Personally, I thought I was going to want to work part-time in retirement more before I retired than once I actually did retire.

I really liked my job in nursing education. I enjoyed the people I worked with, and the vast majority of the students were engaged, committed, and fun to teach. Most importantly, my work was rewarding and I felt like it was contributing to the greater good. But I was ready to retire. I was tired of getting up and trudging off to work in the early morning hours for the 25-minute commute, particularly in bad weather. I did not enjoy working on reports that I was not interested in or the endless meetings. And I definitely had decision fatigue. It was time. Or was it?

My office on campus just prior to retiring from fulltime work. It never looked this clean while I was working.

My story

As with most major life decisions, I studied retirement for many years before I made the leap. (I hate the feeling of regret and will go to great lengths to avoid it.) I retired relatively early at 59, so I always thought I would work part-time during my initial retirement years. Planning ahead, I tried out a couple of part-time “retirement” jobs while I was still working full-time. Just for the record, I do not recommend this.

My office/craft room at our home (prior to the move.)

Part-time job #1

For a few years, during the summers and college breaks from teaching, I worked for a company teaching NCLEX prep courses at nursing colleges and universities around the United States. (NCLEX is the certification exam that nursing students must pass in order to get their RN license.) The company already had the power point, learning activities and curriculum developed so you just had to come in and teach it. Easy-peasy. I figured, once I got the content down, I would just get paid to travel and teach a little. It would eventually be the perfect retirement job.

However, being “on stage” and teaching 6-8 hours straight for 4 days in a row is HARD work. I was exhausted when I was done. I prepped every evening before teaching and once I finished a 4-day course, my feet hurt, and I was too tired to go out site seeing. Travel is not as glamorous when you are doing it for work. I did get to travel to a few great places, but apparently the company thought Idaho and Iowa were close by each other and kept sending me to Iowa. No offense to Iowa, but… not a travel destination. Complain. Complain. Complain. But if it was causing me to complain, then it clearly wasn’t a potential part-time job that I wanted to do when I retired.

Part-time job #2

Prior to retiring I tried teaching a couple of on-line nursing courses for an affiliate college. It was flexible and used my skills. However, it was not particularly enjoyable or gratifying. It was just, well… work. The only interaction I had with students was on-line. I missed the personal, face-to-face communication that I think is vital to being an effective instructor. Did I mention that I really do not like grading papers? Complain. Complain. Complain. This was not enjoyable enough to be a potential part-time retirement job either.

Part-time job #3

The last couple years I was at the college, I sat on the board of a non-profit company associated with healthcare education. When a half-time regional clinical placement coordinator position opened up with them just prior to my retirement, I decided to apply. The only problem was that they needed it filled a semester before I planned to retire. No problem, it was a remote position that could be done on-line so I could do it in the evenings and weekends until I retired from my full-time job. Do you notice a crazy theme here?

That job turned out to be a great way to transition into retirement and I kept it for a year and a half after I retired from my full-time job. At that point, it was starting to require more responsibilities, availability and scheduled meetings. The meetings were via Zoom, but still… you had to have your computer with you, be in a place with reliable internet, look presentable (at least from the waist up), and be available at the designated time, with a professional looking backdrop. I did not like being committed to someone else’s schedule anymore, so I decided to fully retire.

Part-time job #4

A few years into full-retirement, I had the opportunity to teach a face-to-face evening course a couple times a month. I wrote about that experience in a previous post, Have I Failed Retirement? I taught the course several times, but I dreaded going. We did not need the money to buy groceries or pay the electric bill, so I asked myself why I was doing it. I could not come up with a great answer, other than I always thought I would work part-time after I retired. Not a good enough answer so I decided not to continue with it and have never looked back.

Mr. U’s part-time work

Mr. U has worked part-time most of his post-retiree life. First as a consultant in school administration for several years and then in his favorite job driving a van, which I wrote about in the post Reverse Retirement. The biggest challenge when working part-time in retirement is that it gets in the way of play. It is particularly difficult if you have to request time off.

My office (prior to the move) now that I am just working at being fully retired.

In conclusion

I purpose that, if we plan our retirement well ahead of time, we do not necessarily need to work to gain the same emotional benefits (social engagement, structure and purpose) that often drive people back to work. They will be built right into our retirement life. If we have planned our finances securely, created social networks that keep us engaged and have planned things to do that give us purpose and meaning in our retirement years, we won’t want or have time for part-time work.

I know several retirees who have a hobby or interest that has expanded into a part-time job. Not because they needed the social engagement, structure or purpose, but because they love what they are doing and want to share it. They want to do more of it and so it blossoms into getting paid for it. Somehow, that doesn’t seem like work to me. Perhaps that is the key: the ideal retirement job is one that does not feel like work. The beauty of retirement is that most of us can choose. We can choose to work or not. And it is that very freedom that is one of the ingredients to the secret sauce for a happy retirement.

Cheers to the retirement years!

The Heartbeat of a City

Posted on by The Retired Alchemist

When I travel to a big city, my favorite time of day is the early morning. It is when a city is coming to life. Coffee stands are just opening and the aroma of fresh grounds fills the air. The traffic is picking up with commuters on their way to work. The garbage trucks are rumbling down the street. It is the heartbeat of a city. It is a steady thrum that enlivens your nerve endings. And every single city that I have traveled to has a different vibe. A different heartbeat.

One of the best things about retirement is the ability to be spontaneous. When you want to travel, there is no need to plan around school vacations or ask for time off from work weeks ahead. When Mr. U suggested we make a quick trip over to Seattle last month to watch one of our favorite college basketball teams play, my first inclination was to say we did not have time. It was a few weeks before Christmas and I had lots to do. Then I paused and thought, isn’t this one of the great joys of retirement… to be able to take short trips on a whim?

Seattle is just a quick 4 1/2-hour drive for us. The weather was good, and the roads were clear over Snoqualmie pass, so why not take a spontaneous road trip? If you have not been to Seattle, put it on your travel list. It went through some rough times during COVID, as most big cities did. However, it is gaining its unique, artistic, waterfront vibe back again.

The space needle is particularly beautiful at night.

Of course, Seattle is probably best known for the Space Needle, which is worth seeing. It has been several years since I rode the elevator to the top. As expected, the view is amazing, and a little unnerving if you are not crazy about heights, like me. Now I prefer to just look up at it in awe.

Pike’s Market Place

If you don’t see anything else, you need to see Pike Place Market located in downtown Seattle by the waterfront. It is one of the oldest and largest farmer’s markets in the county and is the heartbeat of the city. You will find colorful flower bouquets, fresh seafood, unique art, restaurants and plenty of eclectic shops. It is three levels and spans 9 acres so wear good walking shoes.

Downtown Seattle is also home to the very first Starbucks. If you want coffee there, plan to wait in line awhile. While you are downtown you might want to see the “gum wall” in Post Alley. It is a brick wall with thousands of wads of multi-colored chewed gum stuck to it. Not very sanitary, but definitely unique.

The Farmer’s Market is a feast for the senses.
The Pike Place Fish Market is known for the fish mongers that throw fish to their customers. Have you ever tried catching a slippery fish as it sails through the air?

Other districts and neighborhoods to explore

Seattle has several fun neighborhoods and districts to stay at or explore on foot. This time we stayed in the historic Queen Anne District. It is close to the Seattle Center and Climate Pledge arena where the game was. We parked our car at the hotel and were able to walk everywhere, which helps save the stress of finding a parking place… which is also better for your marriage health.

The morning after the game, we decided to get up early and see the city as it came to life. We walked up the hill to the 5-Spot restaurant for breakfast. The 5-Spot was voted the best breakfast in Seattle multiple times and it did not disappoint. I almost forgot to take a picture it was sooo good.

The hollandaise sauce on the chorizo benny was unlike any I have ever had (left). The cooks wore some great shirts (right).

If you are traveling to Seattle for a sporting event, Pioneer Square is close to the professional baseball and football fields. If you like a bohemian vibe, stop by the Fremont area. It is a quirky, artistic neighborhood and home to the Fremont Troll that lives under the bridge. I wrote about a micro trip we took to Kirkland, which is just to the east of Seattle here. There are many more unique nooks and crannies in the area that I have not seen, which is just a good excuse to go back.

If you prefer to get out of the city and into nature, there are numerous hiking trails for all levels around Seattle and in the nearby Cascade Mountains. Seattle is surrounded by Mount Rainier, Mt. Adams and Mt. Baker. Or, if you love sightseeing from the water, you can take a boat cruise on Lake Washington or Lake Union. You can also drive just north of Seattle and catch the Anacortes ferry to the San Juan Islands.

The view of the Cascade mountains was breath taking.

The game outcome

I know you have been waiting patiently to hear the outcome of the game. 😊 Gonzaga is my alma mater, so I am a devoted fan of the Zags. This was a close game against UCLA, but the Zags pulled off the win, which made the trip a little more fun.

Great game, especially since the Zags pulled out the win.

The heartbeat of a city

Next time you have the chance to take a trip, don’t decline because you don’t have time, or a hundred other excuses. Seize the opportunity and go. And when you travel, slow down and take in the sound of the trolley bell, the street busker music, or the aroma of hotdogs being sold next to a newspaper stand. Let it sweep you up in the moment. Stop, breath it in and listen for the heartbeat of the city.

Cheers to the retirement years!

Internet Scamming

Posted on by The Retired Alchemist

Gone are the days of eagerly waiting for a paper ticket to arrive in the metal mailbox with the red flag for an anticipated event. We would clutch that ticket in our hot little hands and display it at the entrance to the big arena. Many of us kept those tickets afterwards tucked away in cedar memory chests, taped to pages of a scrapbook or displayed in a shadow box with other memorabilia from the event. It was proof we had been there. Now all we get is a barcode ticket on our phones that may or may not show up. Mine did not for a recent event. Internet scamming is for real. In my Pollyanna brain, I thought that didn’t really happen very often, until it happened to me. And I am so careful – damn it!

Background story & rant

Please bypass this section if you do not want to hear me rant…

I received my master’s degree from Gonzaga University, so we have been “Zags” fans for many years. We have traveled to attend the West Coast Conference tournament in Las Vegas a couple times to watch their men’s basketball team. On a whim, Mr. U and I found a fairly good deal on tournament passes and decided to go again this year. The tickets were purchased a couple months ago through GOTICKETS, which I will never, never do again.

Several weeks after we purchased the tickets online, they reached out to us and explained that the “seller” meant to sell tickets for the first night of the tournament only and not the advertised full tournament passes. In fairness, they said they would provide us with comparable tournament pass seats for the same price. Fine. The tickets would arrive several days before the tournament via email.

As promised, the new tickets arrived but it was only for the first day of the tournament again. Mr. U tried reaching out to them. After numerous automated responses and being passed around, he was finally able to make contact with a real person. She said she would reach out to the seller and get back with us. She did not, so we went through the whole process again a couple days later. Same answer – they were trying to contact the seller. Never heard back.

The final day before we were to leave, we went through the whole process again. Same answer. However, they did call us back this time and said that they made an error, and that the seller meant to sell the tickets for the first day only and not the full tournament pass. Hum… heard that before. And believe me, no one in their right mind would pay that amount for tickets that were only for the first day of the tournament, so this was not an error. It was false advertising and a scam. The exact same thing happened to my brother and SIL who also tried to purchase tickets for the tournament through this site.

The person we spoke to refused to provide us with different tournament seat passes. First, she said that was because there were not any more available. When Mr. U pointed out that he was currently on their site and there were indeed some available, she said that they do not do that. (Never mind that they did that earlier when they made the exact same error.) They also refused to let us talk with a supervisor. Over 45 minutes on the phone and all the person would say is, “it was our error, and I am sorry for the inconvenience.” They did finally agree to refund our money. My brother has still been unable to get through to anyone to get a refund.

We would have just cancelled the trip all together, but we could not get a refund on our flights or hotel at this late date. There were still some tickets available online from other vendors, but we were fearful to purchase anything that way now. So, we headed to Las Vegas the next morning without any game tickets. One nice thing about aging, is that you learn to put life in perspective. Don’t get me wrong, we were furious, but it was not a life and death matter. We would go to Las Vegas and have a vacation, even if we could not get tickets when we got there.

Ironically, I am not a fan of Las Vegas. It is fun to see once but it is not a vacation destination for me. Walking the strip is a cultural experience and the themed casinos are amazing. Call me old fashioned, but I don’t care for the display of porn and I am just not a fan of gambling. (But apparently, we were gambling when we bought the game tickets.) Did I mention that I will never use GOTICKETS again? Enough said. Lesson learned.

When life gives you lemons, make lemonade

Enough of my rant. On with the fun stuff. I always enjoy walking through the uniquely themed casinos. We definitely got our steps in while we were there.

The Bellagio fountains and water show go off every 15-30 minutes.
The Bellagio Conservatory & Botanical Gardens change with the seasons. Easter was the theme while we were there.

When you are in Vegas you really have to go to a show. This time we went to The Piano Man, which was a Billy Joel tribute by a singer that used to travel with him. It was a good clean show but fairly short. I had to laugh when I looked around and noticed a very specific demographic attending… we all had gray hair.

One year we went to see Blue Man Group. It is a family friendly show that makes you smile. I also really enjoyed the Cirque du Soleil show we saw a couple years ago. Definitely worth seeing. Several years ago, when I was in Vegas for a conference with some co-workers, we went to the Human Bodies exhibit. We thought it was fascinating, but then it was a group of RNs. We have weird ideas of what it interesting.

The Piano Man show with a little Elton John mixed in.

One of my favorite types of entertainment in Vegas is people watching. And it is free.

The Las Vegas strip is entertaining, but it quickly gets a little too peopley for me.

For some reason, I have never discovered any amazing restaurants near Las Vegas Blvd. (aka the strip). Maybe it is because we don’t like to go to really expensive restaurants unless it is a special event. My usual trick of asking the locals came up empty because all of them say that they never go down to the strip.

The only restaurant that we have returned to is Battista’s Hole in the Wall. It has been around since 1970 and has an old world, classic Italian vibe with an unusual menu set up. You choose any entree, but they all come with the same sides: minestrone soup or an Italian salad, yummy garlic bread soaked with butter, limitless carafes of white and red house wine and a cappuccino with whip cream on top for dessert. We have been there a few times, and it was packed every time, so it is wise to get a reservation.

When Battista’s opened in 1970 it was a true hole in the wall that could only seat 14 people.
Battista’s has an Italian old-world vibe to it that has served numerous famous celebrities over the years.

How it all ended

Once we got to Las Vegas, we were able to go to the box office and purchase individual tickets for the games we most wanted to see. At this late date, tournament passes had gone up so much in price that we did not want to buy them. Despite the ticket frustrations, we made it a fun trip. The “Zag nation” showed up in full force and the games were awesome. The best part was that our team, which was the number two seed, ended up winning the tournament!

Way to go Zags!

Despite our frustration with the internet scam, we were able to enjoy our trip. This experience has made me gun shy to buy tickets online again, even though we have done it through other vendors in the past without issues. It is difficult to go to events, especially planned ones that are out of town, without making purchases via the internet. Has anyone else been scammed on the internet? Any vendors we should stay away from?

Portal to the Imagination

Posted on by The Retired Alchemist

Step away with me into another world. One where you are free to explore and let your imagination soar. A world where you are totally caught up in the moment and experience that carefree feeling of flow. The world is your oyster, and you control it. Walk with me through the portal to imagination.

Growing up in the 60’s was a gift that we baby boomers probably do not appreciate enough. It was a time when we lived without fear. Think the movie “Sandlot.” It was a time when moms would shoo kids out of the house, not to return until there was food on the table. I grew up in the country and my siblings and I were feral children roaming the woods behind our house. By anyone else’s standards, it was just an ordinary woods with a creek running through it. But in our eyes, it was magical. Mostly because of the portal to it.

We were not allowed to cross the road to get to the woods behind our house. That was a hard and fast rule, “or else.” And we all knew what “or else” meant. Well, we never actually tested the “or else” threat, so I guess we weren’t exactly sure what it meant, but we knew it wasn’t good. So, instead of risking our lives crossing the road, we were required to go through an old, abandoned cattle chute that traversed underneath the road. Personally, I felt like I was risking my life more every time I entered the dark, damp, cobweb infested, cattle chute than I ever would have by crossing the road. But, as it was intended, “or else” pushed me to obey the rule.

The cattle chute was our gateway to a world of imagination. I am not sure how it ended up being called the cattle chute, other than it was a tunnel that was built under the road years ago so ranchers could herd their cattle through it instead of going over the road. To us, it was a portal to the imagination.

The portal

The cattle chute was a mysterious, dark foreboding tunnel with a small creek running through it. After braving the entrance, we had to jump across to dry patches of ground to prevent getting our feet wet in the creek, while simultaneously avoiding cobwebs draping down from the low ceiling and watching for trolls. I kept my eyes on the light at the end of the tunnel where magic awaited. It was our portal to a fantasy world that only children inhabited.

Once you were transported through the cattle chute you entered a world of freedom. Freedom from adult judgement or restrictions. Freedom from warnings such as “wash your hands after you touch that mushroom,” “stay out of the creek,” and “don’t get mud on your clothes.” While those words of wisdom were shared for our safety and wrapped in a blanket of love, they also made us more cautious. They would curb our curiosity and sense of reckless abandon.

Once through the portal, we were the kings and queens of the woods. We worked out our differences without adults to referee. We imagined, we created, and we experienced life through play. Play is necessary for healthy brain development. It teaches children to problem solve, develop social skills, build emotional resilience, release stress, and expand creativity. We were left to our own devices in our magical world for several hours a day. And while we felt isolated from adult interference, we were really only a holler away from the reminder that it was time to come home and wash up for dinner.

This is a picture of the cattle chute just before it was filled in. Scary huh?

Safety first

Sadly, the cattle chute was filled in years ago when they widened the road above it. Cattle had not tromped through it for many years, and it was just one more thing that was not considered safe anymore. The fact is that our world is not as safe as it was in the 50’s and 60’s. As a result, children lead much more insulated lives now. And a less safe world necessitates more parental involvement. Parents supervise their children at their friend’s birthday parties for fear that the older sibling or neighbor is a bully or creep. Organized sports have taken the place of the sandlot. And while there are many benefits to more parental involvement, I can’t help but feel a little sad that children of today will not know the experience of entering the portal to roam freely for hours in the woods or play out in the neighborhood until the streetlights come on.

Speaking of unsafe. Is it any wonder that we lived through our childhoods? Aside from all of the unsupervised time, how did we keep from cutting ourselves and bleeding to death from a rusty steel Tonka truck? Or burn ourselves up from the Easy Bake Oven? Even more dangerous was the Creepy Crawler machine. I remember going over to a friend’s house and playing with mercury, dumping it from hand to hand. Interesting stuff that is. We lived through it. Now toys are so safe that they fail to spark the imagination.

Portal to an adult’s imagination

As adults, we need to find our own portal to the imagination. We need to find ways to continue to ignite our curiosity and fuel our creativity. Retirement is the perfect time to do this. Just as play is an important part of childhood, it is also important to our emotional balance as adults. It keeps our minds sharp, decreases stress and fosters a sense of happiness and wellbeing. And playing with others helps us build and maintain social connections that will carry us through life. It helps prevent the dreaded social isolation of aging.

No matter what your age, people that do not engage in play are less interesting and fun to be around. They are typically not as happy either. So, let’s find the portal that leads to the imagination and bravely go through it to enjoy the abundance of a playful life on the other side. Just stay away from the mercury.

Find your portal and take it. See where it leads…