In a world full of disagreements, finger pointing, name calling and government shutdowns, it is good to know that there are still people quietly changing lives for the better. There are still people that care about others and are willing to step up and do something about it. People that are making a difference in the world… one person at a time. There is one woman who is doing exactly that with a bowl of kindness. This is a long post, so you may want to settle in with a cup of coffee… or a bowl of soup.

A modern society problem

Society is becoming more isolated. Is it because we are just too busy or because social media has become our pseudo friend? Or maybe it is fear. Fear of getting engaged in a conversation we are not interested in or the greater fear of someone that is different than us. Part of it could be because we don’t need to rely on others as much. Instead of borrowing a cup of flour from a neighbor to finish dinner, we call Door Dash.

Whatever the reason, we tend to protect and isolate ourselves from others. Three out of every four people in Britain do not know their neighbors (More than half of Britons describe their neighbours as ‘strangers’ | The Independent | The Independent.) Of course this is not unique to Britain. I am embarrassed to admit how many times I have sat next to a person on a plane (a little too close in coach, but that is beside the point) and never spoke a word to each other, other than a polite “hello.” Does anyone else find it odd that we are physically rubbing shoulders the whole flight, and we don’t even talk to each other?

The reason for this increased isolation is unclear, but the reality is that we tend to keep to ourselves more. And that is causing a lot of damage to people emotionally. Especially people that are already lonely.

Curing isolation one bowl at a time

Several years ago, my dear friend’s mother Lynda, lost her husband. She was forced into the slow process of moving on with life as a widow. And so, she bravely continued to do what widows do… going through the motions of living. It was during this time that Lynda met Maggie Stuckey at a party Lynda’s son and DIL were hosting at their home. Maggie is the author of several books, including Soup Night.

This tome is part recipe book and part inspiration for gathering neighbors together, bonding over soup. Soup night originated in a neighborhood in Portland, Oregon. Once a month, the neighbors on Stanton Street gather together at one of their homes and share a meal of soup. This is a simple, informal dinner gathering. The magic is in the connection. Neighbors from all walks of life, all ages, races and political beliefs, gathering to talk, laugh and share their lives. This is what is sorely missing in our society.

The power of a woman’s heart

Lynda visited with Maggie and was fascinated by her story about the connections made through soup night on Stanton Street. Lynda was at a point in life that she wanted to reach out to others and make a difference in her corner of the world. The idea of gathering others over a hot bowl of soup to nourish their bodies and souls sounded like something she would like to do. But who would she invite? The neighborhood in her small town in Washington state, did not seem like a fit. So, the idea sat simmering in the back of her mind for a while. It was at this point that she went to a friend’s 90th birthday party.

After the candles had been blown out, the cake eaten and the wrapping paper unfurled, the guests at the birthday party gathered into smaller groups, as people often do. It was there, that Lynda noticed the widows were off on the sidelines. They were no longer part of the couples that shared in common conversations. They were outsiders looking in on a life they used to be a part of. That was the lightbulb moment for Lynda. She had found her calling. Why not have a soup night for widows?

Soup night for widows

Lynda went home and began writing down names of widows she knew that she could invite to her first soup night. She came up with a list of 12 names. She sent out the invitations and the women enthusiastically responded with the usual question of “what can I bring.” Lynda told them to bring their own bowl and spoon. That way, they were not coming empty handed and it had the side benefit of less cleanup afterwards. The idea was to keep it simple. That was over 11 years ago, and it is still going strong. It is an evening of camaraderie, laughter and sharing life, that all of them look forward to. Lynda typically has 12-16 widows attend.

Before guests arrive, Lynda extends the tables in her large dining room and puts out the tablecloths and birds (more on the birds below). Her sister and BIL help her get the tables ready, but then they have to leave, because, well… it is widows soup night. Lynda makes two pots of soup: one clear and one creamy. She bakes fresh dinner rolls and opens her door. Others might bring a dessert or make one of the soups.

The intent is to keep it simple and informal. It is not about the food. It started as soup night, but it has evolved into warmth for the soul. It is about the connections and sense of belonging. Lynda said that it has gotten to the point that she could just provide a glass of water, and they would all still come.

Unfortunately, some of the ladies have passed, but new ones are always joining. The one requirement is that you have to be a widow to attend. This is a hard and fast rule. Several of the ladies insist that you cannot even have a boyfriend! It is an exclusive club for women that share a common experience in life. One lady in their small town recently became a widow. Through her tears and grief, she found one positive light, as she claimed, “now, at least I get to go to widows soup night.”

And then there were the birds

Lynda has a beautiful home that she designed herself. It is decorated with her impeccable taste and includes a few bird figurines scattered throughout. I was fortunate to be a guest at Lynda’s lovely home a few months ago.

The ladies from soup night noticed that Lynda had several bird figurines and so one evening, after the soup pots were empty, the table cleared and the last guest was out the door, Lynda saw a new glass bird figurine tucked into a little corner of her home. When she asked about it at the next soup night, no one fessed up to leaving it. After that, little birds continued to show up periodically after soup night. Now, Lynda has quite a collection that she puts on two trays to decorate the tables on soup night. She said she still doesn’t know who leaves them, but she doesn’t want to know. She just enjoys the little surprises that show up periodically after soup night.

Final thoughts

It is one thing to tell a widow how sorry you are for her loss. It is another thing entirely to wrap your arms around her and invite her to soup night. Lynda is still making a difference in other women’s lives and it all started with a bowl of kindness. Over 11 years ago she saw a need and felt pulled to do something about it. One woman moving mountains, one shovel full at a time.

There is nothing quite as powerful as women gathering together with a bond. Women of strength supporting each other, whether it is championing a small business owner, supporting a colleague’s promotion at work, sharing a plant start, or gathering around a hot bowl of soup. Often times it is as simple as being vulnerable and sharing an experience or heartfelt thought that causes another woman to whisper “I thought I was the only one.” There are very few things as powerful as strong women with beautiful souls. It is a gift that, when shared with others, lifts the world to a higher place.

Cheers to the retirement years and making a difference during them!

Photo credits: Several of the photos in this post were taken by Lynda and her daughter.