By the time we retire, we have lived on this dirt for quite a while.  Long enough to have become wiser… hopefully.  We know a few things that would be helpful to share with younger generations.  Things we wish that we had known starting out.  I certainly would have lived my life differently had a known a few of those things. A project I am working on brought these to the surface of my brain recently. Let me give you a little background.

When my sons graduated from high school, I made each of them a scrapbook/photo album of their lives.  While I shed quite a few tears as I relived the years of raising four boys, it was also healing and brought closure to that chapter of my life.  The books became labors of love. What started out as little individual memory books, turned out to be MUCH larger projects than I anticipated.  My last two sons are twins, so of course I made two that year.  Yes, I am crazy.  What was I thinking?  And just in case I had not created enough insanity for myself, I also made a book for Mr. U when he retired.   Please tell me I am not the only one that creates these huge projects for myself that I regret when I am halfway through them.

“The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”

Albert Einstein

It was all worth it when I retired, and my “boys” wanted me to have one of these scrapbooks too.  Instead of making a big bulky photo album, they did one better.  They created a book where they each wrote me a letter of their favorite memories and things they appreciated growing up.  It was such a thoughtful gift and I still shed fresh tears every time I read it.  But I digress.  That is what memories will do to you. 

We are slowly downsizing in preparation to move to a smaller home next year.  So, I have been going through boxes of stuff tucked in every nook and cranny of this large home.  I was knee deep in this process when I came across two large totes that were tucked up under the eaves of the attic.  I dusted them off and lifted the tops.  I was immediately taken back over 50 years.  They were filled with mementos from my childhood and young adult years.  Taking off the lids started a bittersweet trip down memory lane.  You know the one, right?  As I tunneled through the boxes I smiled, and I cried, and I remembered my life.  How was I ever going to condense 64 years of living into one small box?  I considered my options because there was no way I was going to save two large boxes of this stuff.

• I could just chuck it all in the trash.  It would be much easier.  Besides, I haven’t looked at this stuff in years and probably won’t for the same amount of time.  Release it and just keep the memories in my head.  However, there isn’t a lot of room in there anymore (my head) and so it would be too easy to forget. 
• I could do the Marie Kondo thing and take pictures of everything and thank it for how it served my life, but then I would just be adding to the excessive number of photos I already have. Google is reminding me that I am running out of storage space up in the sky again.
• I could stuff the boxes back in the attic and deal with them some other time.  Better yet, I could hang on to them and leave them for my kids to deal with.  But, as I read recently, our kids don’t want our stuff.  Understandable.  I am going through a lot of my parents stuff and it is not for the faint of heart.
• Or… I could make another scrapbook.  Certainly, I had one more scrapbook in me. This one for myself.  (I hate it when my brain comes up with these ideas that persist and nag at me until I succumb to them.)  Two boxes into one neat, compact album.  What could possibly go wrong?

This has been a lengthy story to explain how I ended up sitting at the table in my office for the past few months, surrounded by 64 years of memories.  It has been a beautiful, bittersweet trip down memory lane that has tugged at my emotions more than I ever would have predicted. I looked back through photos of my childhood and teenage years, through the eyes of wisdom that only the wrinkles of living can bring, and I think of several things that I wish I could have told my younger self.  Things that would have saved that insecure, naive, eager young girl a lot of stress and anguish over the years.   

What would I tell my younger self?

• When you are tired, rest.  Take sick days when you need them.  The world is not going to stop if you do.  I went to work when I felt lousy because I thought I was needed, and I did not want to inconvenience my colleagues.  We are not as indispensable as we think we are. I wish I had cared for myself enough to rest when I needed it.
• When you need time alone, carve it out, even if it means letting others down.  I need time by myself to think and recharge.  However, I did not take this kind of time enough because there was too much to get done, or I was worried that I would hurt someone’s feelings.  I wish that I had cared for myself enough to take more of the alone time that I needed to make myself feel whole again. 
• Hug harder and more.  We need more huggers in the world.  We need more kind touch.  Even most of the stiff people that act like they don’t want a hug, deep down appreciate that someone reached out to them.  I wish I had hugged more, but I am making up for it now. 
• Laugh with reckless abandon.  Laugh until you snort.  We take life way too seriously.  I wish that I had laughed more.  I am working on making up for it now too.
• Go ahead and look foolish.  Be silly without concern for what others think.  I wish I had more fun, even if it looked foolish to others. Besides, everyone else probably wishes that they had the nerve to do it. 
• Take more risks.  They say that people on their deathbed regret what they did not do more than what they did do.  Don’t die with your music still in you.  I tend to be risk averse.  And while that has served me well through life, I wish that I had said “yes” more. 
• Honor yourself.  Find your true north and follow it.  Know who you are and what you value and don’t let other people’s opinions sway you from that.  Everyone appreciates someone who is their authentic self.  I wish I had been truer to myself and not tried to fit into the expectations of others so much. 
• You are beautiful.  Appreciate your own unique beauty, quirky features and all.  They are part of what make you, you.  I wish I had appreciated my youthful self a little more.  But guess what, I will probably think that about my current body in another twenty years, so appreciate your energy and appearance whatever age you are.  You will never be as young as you are today, so embrace it.  
• Worry less. A lot less. According to research at Penn State University, only 8% of what we worry about actually happens. That is a lot of wasted time worrying that could have been used on something fun or energizing. I still wish I would worry less. Actually, I worry about worrying. Sigh.
• Love without fear.  We tend to protect our hearts from pain. Go ahead and love others without fear of getting your heart stepped on or hurt.  If it happens, it will heal.  I wish that I had loved everything with more intensity and less fear. 
• You are stronger than you think.  You can do hard things.  And it will feel so good to come out on the other side of heartache alive and whole and stronger.  I wish I had not tried to protect myself so much. 

Looking back, those are some of the things I wish that I would have known.  It certainly could have made my life easier and more fun. But even if I had of been able to give myself these pearls of wisdom, I probably would not have listened.  Sometimes you can’t protect someone from the lessons of life.  They can only come through living and growing and learning yourself.  Do you have a few things that you wish that you could have told your younger self?