A friend of mine came over for lunch several weeks ago.  We pulled out our knitting and propped our feet up by the fire and settled in for a good, long chat. The kind that stirs your brain and satisfies your soul.  My friend retired a few months ago and is loving every minute of it.  Yet, she pondered, “am I doing retirement right?”   She was concerned because she is happy just being at home, enjoying the simple things in life and creating in her sewing studio.  She was questioning if she was doing retirement right because she wasn’t volunteering, or traveling the world, or out finding her passion or the million other things that the experts say make for a satisfying retirement. 

If we are honest, most of has have this same question at some point in retirement. Perhaps it starts back in grade school when we look around and see what everyone else is doing and wonder if we are fitting into the norm. We don’t want to be the odd one out. We don’t want to be the last one picked for the team. We don’t want to be missing out. We don’t know if we are doing it correctly. We want to have the perfect retirement, but we don’t have a measuring tool.

I think that is often the challenge with retirement.  We don’t know if we are “doing it right.”  For our entire lives we received grades, evaluations and feedback on whether we were doing life right.  Now we are retired, and we don’t have a report card or annual evaluation to let us know how we are doing.  For all we know, we might be doing it all wrong.  We strived to do life right our entire lives: being the good student, the perfect parent, the supportive spouse, putting our nose to the grindstone and slogging into work when we felt like hiding under the covers.  Now we are free from the responsibilities of raising a family, building a career and paying a mortgage and we are still asking ourselves, “am I doing this right?” 

I really appreciated the numerous books, articles and blogs I read about preparing for retirement.  They helped me navigate the muddy waters when I no longer had a career to define me or a schedule to live by.  The retirement literature helped make this major life transition easier for me, but it can also become a slippery slope into retirement perfectionism. It starts benignly enough with helpful information, but then it can slide into the dangerous “how to’s” for getting the most out of these bonus years.  The vast majority will tell you that you “should” have a purpose, volunteer for some worthy cause, go back to school or work part-time.  You “should” have a schedule, you “should” be giving back, you should expand your network of friends, you should…bla, bla, bla.  It makes us question whether we are using our precious time wisely. Are we doing it right?

“Normal is just a setting on your dryer.”

Patsy Clairmont

Maybe the question boils down to, am I enough now that I am retired?  Is it selfish and stagnant to just enjoy life at home doing the simple things that bring me pleasure?  Is this enough?  Have I Failed Retirement because I am not out there volunteering my time, or running a marathon or writing a book?  Am I enough?  I get it.  I think that is why I have difficulty just taking a few hours to read during the day.  I should be producing.  I should have something to show for my time.  When do we allow ourselves to be set free from expectations?  Others’ expectations, but more importantly our own. 

The new retirement report card

I did not have an easy answer for my friend.  It seems to me that the answer lies in a whole new retirement mindset. One in which enjoying the simple pleasures in life is our report card.  Maybe our report card or quarterly evaluation for how we are doing in retirement should look more like this:

1. Did I relax today?  It could be reading a book during the day, playing an instrument, or taking a bubble bath.
2. Did I do something that makes my heart sing today?  It can be as simple as watching the cloud formations float by or listening to the birds sing or watching the ripples on the water.
3. Did I smile and laugh today?
4. Did I eat slowly and taste every delicious bite?
5. Did I satisfy my need to be creative without any agenda or end product in mind?
6. Did I have some “Awe” moments today?
7. Did I show love, support and encouragement to someone? To myself?

Maybe my retirement doesn’t look like anyone else’s or does not adhere to the retirement gurus’ recommendations, because that is all they are…recommendations.  Ideas to help get you started.  They are suggestions, not report cards.  We need to take what we can from them and then settle into our own path. Forget the “shoulds” and “how to’s” for an ideal retirement.  Live it your way.  If you are content and happy, why search any further? That is enough. We are enough.

Perhaps our overall average grade for retirement should be based on:  Did I do retirement “right” today for me?  Not by anyone else’s standards or expectations, but just for me. How would you score?