Lifestyle

Living Our Best Lives

Posted on by The Retired Alchemist

I am back from my month long “blogcation.” I really needed to take the month of August to have a reset. It has been a bumpy summer. It started with Mr. U and I both getting COVID. Then there were a lot of projects that I didn’t particularly enjoy or want to do, fulfilling responsibilities, and some health scares. By the of end of July my bike was gathering dust in the garage, I only had my kayak on the water a handful of times, and we still had not unwinterized our camper. Suffice it to say… I was not living my best retirement life. And lingering in the back of my mind was that nagging question… how many more summers do I have left? I can’t afford to miss even one. Do you ever worry about that, or is it just me?

I decided I needed to salvage what little bit of summer I had left. It was time to make a point of living my best life, right now, despite the challenges. My best retirement life is not expensive or glamorous. Aside from some travel, it is pretty simple really. In the summer, my best retirement life is:

  • going out to the garden to pick fresh vegetables and herbs for dinner or a colorful bouquet of flowers to liven up the kitchen counter.
  • a leisurely afternoon kayaking with a friend.
  • a picnic dinner out on the boat watching the eagles soar.
  • taking the four wheelers into the mountains to pick huckleberries.
  • dining al fresco… bonus if it is by the water.
  • that first steaming cup of coffee in the morning when you are camping.
  • late morning bike rides armed with a pack lunch and journal.
  • a lingering afternoon on the water with my family, followed by the smell of the B.B.Q. being fired up.
  • feeling the unfettered joy of being with my grands.
  • laughter gathered around the fire pit.
  • quiet conversations as the sun sets behind the mountain on another summer day.

It was the end of July, and I was starting to feel like a caged animal that had not been outdoors enough – pacing and anxious to feel the sun on my shoulders and the gentle ripple of water under my paddle. So, to kick off taking my summer back, a friend and I loaded up the kayaks and headed to the river for an afternoon on the water. It was just what my soul needed. Towards the end of the afternoon as the sun was getting low, we tucked our kayaks into the reeds away from the waves of passing boats and poured a glass of chilled white wine. A ski boat drifted by and one of the beautiful young ladies waved at us and yelled, “I want to be like you two someday!” And at that moment, I realized, this is it. I am living my best life. I just needed to pull back and carve out some time for it.

Kayaking the Coeur d’Alene River with my beautiful friend (left).

During my “blogcation” I cut down on social media and screen time. I spent mornings with a cup of coffee reflecting. How did I get away from living my best life and how do I make sure that I don’t let the weightier things in life keep me from finding the joy and beauty in every single day? How do I peacefully blend the responsibilities of life with enough time and energy for play? I had to rethink my priorities and what I wanted my life to look like. And while the blog break was nice, I also missed writing.

I pondered how/if writing my blog fit into my best life. What I noticed was that when I did not blog, I spent a lot more time writing in my journal. I guess some people just need to spill their thoughts on to a page. I concluded that writing and taking photos for this blog are part of my best retirement life right now. The challenge was the commitment to post every Monday. I have tried to stay consistent with that, because that is what the social media gurus tell you to do. However, the intent of this blog was never to make me rich or famous, so what do I care about blog rules? Heck, I can post when the muse hits and not post when I am having a super busy week. The shake down is that you may find my blog posts a little less consistent. They may be less or even more than once a week and they may not always show up on Mondays. They may include short blurbs or long rants. I hope that you will stick with me through it and if you want to be notified via email when a post comes out, please sign up for my newsletter.

How peculiar that, even in retirement, we can get so bogged down with the worries and responsibilities of life, that we forget to live our best life. As the old saying goes, “if not now, when?” What does your best life look like and are you making the time and effort to live it, or are you just drifting by?

Sunsets are a vital part of my best life.

S.U.M.M.E.R.

Posted on by The Retired Alchemist

Summer is morning coffee out on the patio, lazy afternoons in the water and watching the sun bid goodnight as it sets behind the mountains for another day. But it is also watering plants, deadheading flowers, weeding the garden and sweeping up dirt that was tracked inside. The rhythm of the seasons gives life texture. While I complain about our long winters, I really do enjoy the character of the four seasons. Fall might be my favorite, but summer comes in a close second because there are so many fun things to do. Since we were busy enjoying summer and family last week, I did not take time out to write. So instead of writing a post, I am sharing my favorite things to do in the summer, via photos. A photo is worth a thousand words anyway, right?

Summer always kicks off for us with fireworks over the lake.
Time out on the water.
Always time on the water. One of my favorite places to be.
B.B.Q baby! No herbivores here.
Bounty from the garden.
Outdoor summer concerts. Bonus if they are free. This Motown band was so good!
Camping up in the mountains.
Precious time with my family. It makes my mother heart sing.
Being out on my bike and kayaking. It helps compensate for all the yummy summer food.
And the sun sets on another summer day.

We have to stuff all of the fun summer activities into the short 2-3 months of warm weather that we get here in the PNW. But perhaps that makes it all the more precious. Do you have any “must do’s” for summer?

Nesting

Posted on by The Retired Alchemist

Over the last several weeks I have been observing the swallows nesting in the birdhouse on our back patio. (Exciting life, I know.) Before moving in they visited the birdhouse several times to see if it was suitable. Then we watched as they determinedly began bringing in little sticks, mud and debris to build their nest. I envision them excited to create their home together and fill it with a family. Before long, we heard little chirping sounds from the birdhouse… the children have arrived! Life will never be the same.

Like people, once the babies were born, the parents spent most of their time taking care of them. In this case, finding bugs to bring back to the nest. Back and forth they went, removing waste and returning with food, as the chirping got louder and louder. Last week, the babies were poking their heads out of the birdhouse, checking out the world outside of their comfort zone. I kept a close eye on them, hoping to witness their first flight away from the nest. Then one morning, I was having my coffee and observing the final baby bird leaning out of the nest as his momma brought him, what turned out to be, his last meal at home. Then he leaned further out and whoosh, he pushed himself out and with a few wobbly flaps of his wings, he was gone. Out to start his own adventures into the world. The next morning, the nest was quiet. It got me to thinking about our own nest.

One of the baby birds peeking out of the birdhouse (left). The baby bird being fed breakfast (right).

We have been feathering our nest for years. Adding pieces of furniture, gadgets and other stuff that would make it more functional and comfortable. As we prepare to downsize next year, I am now busy “unfeathering” our nest. Not a job for the faint of heart. So many memories. It feels like we spend the first two thirds of our life accumulating and the last third of it trying to get rid of what we accumulated. I have been working on this downsizing thing for a while, as I addressed in a post I wrote over a year ago, The Secret Life of Stuff.

I am trying to pawn off gift our children with as much stuff as I can. But as I read recently, your kids don’t want your %#*! and they really don’t want to sort through it after you pass from this earth. I am currently on both ends of that now. We are slowly going through and cleaning out my parents’ home that they raised six kids in. (My dad lives in a house in town now.) Again, so many memories. However, these memories are from the perspective of my own childhood, rather than that of a parent. It is the cycle of life, the remnants of a life well lived in our various nests.

I have to remind myself that the nest is just sticks and that, what we carry with us, what really matters, are the people. The nest is the carrying device for living out life. It does not hold the memories. Those have already been created and live in us. The nest does not shape and build us, family does. I love to live in a cozy, warm, inviting nest, but it is empty without the people that bring it to life.

Son #1 and his wife came to visit the nest last week. Since the rest of our kids live in the area, we were able to spend lots of time together as a family. It is always comforting to have your children back in your nest. It speaks of home and cozy and a reminder of those years when we were all together under one roof, safe and warm. I miss those years. But I have also grown to enjoy our quieter life and the freedom to come and go as we please. We can choose to watch a movie and have popcorn for dinner if neither of us feel like cooking that night.

Nests come and go, but the memories live on. Our four sons helped preserve those memories through an exceptionally thoughtful gift this week. When I retired, they created a book for me. Each of them wrote several pages of their memories growing up and words of kindness and appreciation that were beyond what I deserved. They planned to make one for their dad soon after, but life got busy. They joked that each of them kept waiting for one of the others to spearhead the project. Well, they finished it recently and decided to wait until they were all together this week to give it to their dad. A beautiful, heartfelt, tear inducing, tribute of their memories with their dad. And guess what? It wasn’t about nests; it was about people making lasting impressions on each other’s lives.

Mr. U and I with our four grown sons and the memory books that they made for each of us.

I hope you all had a wonderful 4th of July. As I mentioned, we enjoyed precious time with all of our immediate family, ate way too much food and tried to set the world on fire. THANK YOU to all of our current working military and our veterans. We are grateful.

Is Aging a Problem to be Solved?

Posted on by The Retired Alchemist

As I get older, I am seeing more silver hairs, wrinkles around my eyes and age spots on my hands. The marks of living a full life. The evidence of making it to the age of 64. I am so grateful to be healthy. To be living these years with zest and vitality. Yet everywhere I turn there are recommendations for products and procedures to fight looking, heaven forbid… older. Like it is a disease we have to combat. What is wrong with looking our age and why do I feel pushed by social media and advertising to try and fight it? It gives me the impression that aging is a problem that we should try to fix or solve.

When I started thinking about this anti-aging attitude that society has, I noticed it showing up everywhere. It is even prevalent in my little city tucked up in the Pacific Northwest. The feature photo, as well as the two below, are just a few of the anti-aging advertisements I have seen locally in the last couple of weeks. Clearly, we are being bombarded with the attitude that looking older needs to be avoided and fixed.

This advertisement was in our small city newspaper.
I won’t be doing the top three options, but I could definitely go for the massage.

When people try too hard to look younger, it comes off as unnatural. In some ways, it draws attention to their age. I like Reba McEntire but every time I see her on TV, I think how stretched her face looks and how hard she is trying to look youthful again. I get it when you work in the entertainment industry because that is what sells. But what if society changed that image? What if Reba and all of the other over 50+ actresses and singers looked their true age? Would that make a statement to the world that it is lovely to age gracefully? What if it was O.K. to look our age? What if age was seen as beautiful? It is all in how society views it.

Doing our part to change society’s attitude

Don’t use anti-aging terminology. I doubt that we will ever change our society’s negative view of aging, but I can do things in my little corner of the world to not perpetuate the problem. For example, I appreciate the compliment, when someone says I look younger than my age. But why? Why do I feel like that is a compliment? So, going forward, when I see an older person that looks healthy and vibrant, I am going to make the effort to tell them that they look great. And not tag on “for your age,” which really is a back handed compliment.

Share our age proudly. In response to a reporter who told Gloria Steinem (age 40 at the time) that she looked good, she responded, “this is what 40 looks like.” Ten years later, she used the same response with, “this is what 50 looks like.” Many people, particularly older women, avoid telling people their age. We don’t want others to shove us in a corner of their brain that is labeled, “old.” But if we don’t proudly share our age, how will younger people know what aging really looks like and that it is O.K. Even normal. We should be proud to say what age we have made it to. As I get older, I am getting crow’s feet, silver in my hair and age spots. So what? I am also wiser, happier and freer than I have ever been. To borrow Gloria Steinem’s response, this is what 64 looks like.

This is what 64 looks like.

Let our bodies age naturally. One of the most obvious changes that comes with age are those grey hairs that start showing up. I still don’t know why men with grey hair are considered distinguished and women with grey are considered fuddy duddy. There are women out there trying to change that perception. During COVID many women quit coloring their hair and let their gorgeous, natural grey grow out. There is even a movement of women called the “Silver Sisters” that embraces aging naturally. These women describe a sense of freedom and peace. They felt like they were hiding part of themselves from the world when they covered their grey, and now they are able to be honest. Margaret Osler shares about the wonderful sense of freedom she felt when she let her gorgeous grey curls grow out. She is loving and enjoying life and looks vibrant and happy. We need more examples like her in our anti-aging world.

“Imagine a world where we all looked forward to, valued & celebrated the beauty of natural aging.”

Margaret @aging_is_amazing

I don’t have anything against people that choose Botox, plastic surgery and age defying alternatives. It is wonderful to have options and if it makes someone feel better about themselves, then go for it. We each need to do what makes us feel whole and happy. However, I am just saddened by a world that causes us to feel better about ourselves when we look younger. I have decided that I don’t want to spend my precious time, energy and money on trying to look younger. I don’t want to sit in a physician’s office chair unless I have to. I would rather be spending my time and money doing something I love. Something that vitalizes me. Something that puts a smile on my face and fills my heart with joy. Maybe that is the real secret to looking younger.

My anti aging beautifully formula

Instead of spending my time and money on anti-aging treatments and procedures, I would like to propose a new formula for anti-aging. However, since we are going to avoid the term anti-aging, lets’ call it a formula for aging beautifully. Matter of fact, we need to get rid of the term “anti-aging” entirely. Here is my formula for aging beautifully:

  • Get outdoors to get some vitamin D. It will make your skin glow.
  • Do some physical activity every day. It will get your blood and lymph fluids moving throughout your body.
  • Keep your weight under control. We will have more energy if we are not carrying around an extra 25 pounds. Likewise, if you are limiting your calories and carbs too much, you won’t have enough energy.
  • Laugh and smile more. Personally, I think that laugh lines are beautiful.
  • Love with an open heart. It will show on your face.
  • Give back to others. The satisfaction will give you peace and that will decrease those frown lines.
  • Do what makes your heart sing. Happiness looks good on you.
  • Surround yourself with things you love. More flowers anyone? It will bring joy to your life.
  • Drink more water. A cosmetologist once told me that this is the single best thing you can do for your skin. It fills your skin out naturally.
  • Have a heart of gratitude. Trust me, it will show on your face.
  • And of course… eat your fruits and vegetables. It will give you the vitamins and minerals that you need to look healthy and glowing.

“There is an elegance in ageing that transcends physical beauty. It’s in the way we carry ourselves with confidence, the depth of our compassion, and the strength of our spirit. It’s in the serene acceptance of who we are and the profound understanding of what truly matters.”

Gail McNeill @fiftysister

I want to look my very best for my age. Who doesn’t? I am not promoting “letting yourself go” as you age. I love a wonderful fragrant facial lotion, make-up, fun cloths and accessories. I am committed to using glycolic acid on my face a couple of times a week. But this is my one and only precious life and I don’t want to waste a lot of it trying to look younger than I am. I don’t have enough time as it is for all of the fun things I want to do. I am too happy and busy living and loving my life to spend my time, energy and money on expensive, time consuming anti-aging products and procedures.

Maybe that is the true secret to aging gracefully… to quite fighting the aging process and allow it. It should not be something to fear, pull or stretch our bodies to avoid. Allow the beauty of age to shine through in our eyes, our attitude and our confidence. Instead of aging being a problem to be solved, it should be considered a gift to be embraced.

Am I Vintage?

Posted on by The Retired Alchemist

Every summer our little city, tucked away in the mountains of the Pacific Northwest, gets flooded with tourists. It kicks off on Father’s Day weekend with the Car d’Lane Classic Car show and doesn’t slow down until after Labor Day. On the Friday night of Father’s Day weekend, spectators line the streets to watch the classic cars rev their engines, use their lifts and send fire out their exhaust pipes while they cruise through town. Cars must be 1980 or older to participate.

My dad loves the old cars, particularly the ones from the 1940’s. He owned a gas station for several years and worked on many of these cars. That was back when gas stations pumped your gas, filled your oil and worked on your car for you. So, every year we make sure he gets downtown to watch the cars cruise by. I love the smile it puts on his face. I wrote this post about it last year.

The guys enjoying the car show.
The Griswolds even showed up, complete with suitcases on top and the empty dog collar off the back.

Mr. U had a really nice 1969 Dodge Charger when he was in high school and through college. It was his pride and joy. But when we got married, he sold it to be able to buy my wedding ring. A pretty good tradeoff I would say. He still wishes he had the car. Then we bought an economic, very, very small 1976 Honda Civic. This year I was surprised to see a little Honda Civic car in the show. It was the same year and make as the one we had when we first got married. How could that be? It couldn’t possibly be “classic” or “vintage.” But if it is… what does that make me?

I am a big fan of muscle cars. They bring back memories of an era gone by when I was in high school, and the guys would drive their swooped-up cars with the fancy paint jobs and loud engines. Think purple GTO’s, bright yellow Chargers, orange Super Bees, shiny black Mustangs and green Cameros. Back when vintage was old, and we were cool. I had a 1967 vinyl top Mustang, that was the color of puke green. The starter went out on it, so I had to get under the hood and use a screwdriver to start it. But once it was running, we would jump in and cruise main street to see and be seen. Ahhh, those were the good ole days. But if those cars are now in the vintage car show, that means I am vintage. Yikes! Now that I look at the time worn pictures of our cars and compare it to the cars in the show… we are indeed vintage. Or maybe it is just classic. I prefer to think that classic/vintage is the new cool.

Mr. U next to his 1969 Dodge Charger (left) and my freshly washed 1967 Mustang (right). We both wish we still had those two cars.

Items that are 50 years or older are considered true vintage. I guess that means that I do fall into the vintage category. The term vintage was originally used to describe an exceptionally fine wine from the crop of a good year. Maybe, like a vintage wine, we just get better each year. More flavorful and smooth. Maybe being vintage isn’t so bad after all.

Happy Father’s Day

Happy Father’s Day to all of the dad’s out there. Thank you for working hard, being there for your families when it isn’t always easy and there are so many other things pulling at your time. Thank you for loving and encouraging and being an example to your children of what it means to be a man of integrity. Thanks for making the world a better place. I now have two sons that are amazing fathers. It is a joy to watch them with their children.

If you have followed my blog for very long, you know that I come from a large family, most of which still live in the area. We gather together for holidays and have many “this is how it is always done” celebrations. For instance, my SIL #2 must always make her macaroni and shrimp salad for potlucks and SIL #1 always brings her Mississippi Mud Pie, with little American flags on it, to the 4th of July celebration. One year she decided not to because she thought everyone was getting tired of it. That did not go over well. Needless to say, she is back to making it. One of our other always is Father’s Day. We always gather at my brother and SILs lovely home. Early on Father’s Day morning my brother seasons up three large prime ribs and tucks them in his smoker to slowly cook throughout the day. The smell of them smoking is almost as good as the taste.

My SIL had the sign made several years ago. They always hang it out on Father’s Day.

I hope you all had a great weekend! And remember… being vintage is good.